Hits -- WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS About Hits A free, interactive ezine offering you some biblical insight, faith challenges & good, clean jokes! To see the collection of prior postings to the list, visit the Hits Archives. Using Hits You can subscribe to the list, or change your existing subscription, in the sections below. Subscribing to Hits Subscribe to Hits by filling out the following form. You will be sent email requesting confirmation, to prevent others from gratuitously subscribing you. This is a hidden list, which means that the members list is available only to the list administrator. Your email address: You must enter a privacy password. This provides only mild security, but should prevent others from messing with your subscription. Do not use a valuable password as it will occasionally be emailed back to you in cleartext. Pick a password: Reenter password to confirm: Hits Subscribers The subscribers list is only available to the list administrator. Enter your admin address and password to visit the subscribers list: Admin address: Password: To change your subscription (set options like digest and delivery modes, get a reminder of your password, or unsubscribe from Hits), enter your subscription email address: Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol 4 No 3 Dear NetFriends, Have you ever thought about what your name means? Susan comes from the Hebrew "shoshana" meaning "lily" and Rocco...well, Rocco is named after the patron saint of mad dogs...hmmm? Say no more! Well, on with the Hits! READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes war.His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. Out of his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. "He will rule them with an iron scepter." He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written: KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS. When we go to church as children, we often see repres- entations of Jesus with the children, Jesus healing the sick and Jesus crucified, but it is not often that we are treated to a snapshot of Jesus triumphant. Yet here, in this word picture from the final book of the Bible, we see Jesus as He is now, and as we will see Him in glory. Three times His name is mentioned. Firstly, he is called "Faithful and True": how often do we long for a defender like that! Thirdly, He is the Word of God, which will convict people of their sins and cut through all the pretence, bringing every hidden attitude, every sly thought,every cruel word out into the open. Lastly he is called "King of Kings and Lord of Lords". That too is a comfort for those of his who are in need: He rules over all those petty tyrants of the earth who plague our lives, and ultimately the truth that comes from His mouth,like a sharp sword, will wipe them away and justice will reign. But what of that other name? The one that is known only to Him? Well, we can only wait to hear it! But rest, assured, it will be a great name! TESTIMONY I grew up in a Christian family, but I never knew what it really meant to be a Christian. I struggled with my life and went down the wrong path. I got into partying and one thing led to another. At the age of 14 I tried to commit suicide. The Lord thankfully had other plans for me. After some counseling at my church I realized that God was in my life and he had a plan for me. I rededicated my life to him, and have been trying to live my life to praise Him in everything I do. The Lord has been great to me and He has blessed me in so many ways. I take the time each day to thank Him for giving me this second chance at life... I hope you remember what God has done for you too! -Jennifer PRAYER POINTS ***Thank God for His wonderful Son, and the names He has given Him. ***Praise God for the good things He is doing, and the victory He has won over sin and death, through the sacrifice of Jesus. ***Praise God that ultimately the victory will be His, and that we need have no fear. ***Keep little Amelia in your prayers. A hospital bed allocation is needed so that the operation can be done as soon as possible. ***Praise God for those who gave their lives to Him over the Easter period. Keep all those who attended services worldwide in your prayers as the sharp-edged sword of the Word convicts them. ***Pray for those who are in sorrow, those who have lost loved ones or whose marriages have failed. Pray also for those who are not well, that God will give them comfort and even healing, if that be His will for them. HAHAHA CORNER ***Computers The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted. His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. 'My, you look tired,' she said. 'You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so troubled and exhausted?' 'Honey, it was just terrible,' her husband said. 'The computer system servers broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking.' --submitted by David F. ***Bob stood over his tee for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing. Finally his exasperated partner asked, "what on earth is taking so long?" "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse," Bob explained. "I want to make a perfect shot." "Come on!" his companion exclaimed. "You don't have a chance of hitting her from here." --submitted by Don O. ***Top Ten Signs Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password 10) E-Mail from someone named 'Fluffy.' 9) Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard. 8) You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt.recreational.catnip. 7) Your web browser has a new home page "feline.com" 6) Your mouse has teeth marks in it... and a strange aroma of tuna. 5) Hate-mail messages to Apple Computer Corp. about their release of 'CyberDog.' 4) Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it. 3) You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II. 2) On IRC you're known as the IronMouser. 1) There are little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post. --submitted by Mark O. ======================================================================== Sue: "Hey, I like those Rocco. Should we suggest the readers send us their funniest cat joke?" Rocco: "I'm sure they have lots of them! We look forward to reading them." Email us: at cats@webpastor.com Bye for now! Rocco and Sue. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ We've recently upgraded WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! to a user-friendly, automated list that offers more interactive features for our readers. If you'd like to know more please read the header carefully or visit: http://webpastor.com/mailman/listinfo/hits_webpastor.com ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR Weekly Hits! 2001 Vol 4. No. 4 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear Netsters, Everyone loves a bargain. In Isaiah 1, God talks about the greatest bargain of all time: forgiveness. READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD Hear, O heavens! Listen, O earth! For the LORD has spoken: "I reared children and brought them up, but they have rebelled against me. The ox knows his master, the donkey his owner's manger, but Israel does not know, my people do not understand." Your country is desolate, your cities burned with fire; your fields are being stripped by foreigners right before you, laid waste as when overthrown by strangers. Stop bringing meaningless offerings! Your incense is detestable to me. New Moons, Sabbaths and convocations-- I cannot bear your evil assemblies. Stop doing wrong, learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. "Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. Isaiah 1:1,3,7,17,18 (NIV) Why do bad things happen? The Bible clearly tells us that the root cause of all evil is rebellion. The rebellion is called SIN. Notice that SIN has an I for a middle letter: that shows us clearly that the problem begins when "I" want what I want, and disregard what God wants. And sin has a snowball effect: it rolls over everything in its path, regardless of its individual innocence. That is why we have famines, wars, droughts, disturbances of nature. Yet God has a way out of this mess, and once again, it starts with the individual and has a snowball effect: if we turn to God and ask forgiveness, our sins become as white as snow. Once there was a family with 7 brothers. One gave his life to Christ, and prayed for his next brother. He too repented and together they prayed for the third. Then the third converted and they all prayed for the fourth. Last time I heard, they were six brothers praying for one, and he was beginning to listen to them! TESTIMONY This week we heard from Roneice, one of the many whose testimonies we have printed in the Hits! She writes: "It's so exciting to see that our Holy Father can use something as small as my testimony, in an effort, to further His Kingdom. God bless you and your family." Roneice's testimony was printed in "Hits!2000.08.04.txt" You can find it on our website in the Hits Archives. If you have been touched by Roneice's testimony, write to us and we will pass on the messages to her. Blessings, Roneice. PRAYER POINTS ***Thank God that He is in the heart-changing business. ***Thank Him for the death and resurrection of His precious Son, Jesus, and the forgiveness we have through His blood. ***Praise Him for those who have turned from their sins. Pray for the snowball effects that will come from the repentance of one person. ***Pray for little Amelia D who will be operated on on May 3rd. The family is understandably anxious. ***Margie has asked for prayer for Daryl, who needs a clear mind to make an important decision. ***Pray for Roman Alexeev, who is studying at Zaokski Theological seminary (Russia). He wishes to reach out via the net to others. ***Thank God for the generosity of Christians towards those in need, especially brothers and sisters in the faith. We have heard good reports lately of outstanding acts of love. HOW DO YOU LIVE YOUR DASH? I read of a man who stood to speak At the funeral of a friend He referred to the dates on her tombstone From the beginning...to the end He noted that first came her date of birth And spoke the following date with tears, But he said what mattered most of all Was the dash between those years. (1934 -1998) For that dash represents all the time That she spent alive on earth... And now only those who loved her Know what that little line is worth. For it matters not, how much we own; The cars...the house...the cash, What matters is how we live and love And how we spend our dash. So think about this long and hard... Are there things you'd like to change? For you never know how much time is left, That can still be rearranged. If we could just slow down enough To consider what's true and real, And always try to understand The way other people feel. And be less quick to anger, And show appreciation more And love the people in our lives Like we've never loved before. If we treat each other with respect, And more often wear a smile. Remembering that this special dash Might only last a little while. So, when your eulogy's being read With your life's actions to rehash... Would you be proud of the things they say About how you spent your dash? Author Unknown ---submitted by Rose T HAHAHA CORNER ...and speaking of Rose T, she was first off the mark with a cat joke or two. ***Their cat was called Ben Hur. It had originally been called Ben, until it had kittens. ***The youngster ran to his Mum crying. "Dad just drowned our cat," he blubbered. "Maybe he had to do it," she said. "No he didn't . He promised me I could!" Yet she was not alone: The Cat/English Dictionary: CAT PHRASE: MEANING: Miaow Feed me. Meeow Pet me. Mrooww I love you. Miioo-oo-oo I am in love and must meet my betrothed outside beneath the hedge. Don't wait up. Mrow I feel like making noise. Rrrow-mawww Please, the time has come to tidy the cat box. Rrrow-miawww I have remedied the cat box untidiness by shoveling the contents as far out of the box as was practical. Miaowmiaow Play with me. Miaowmioaw Have you noticed the shortage of available cat toys in this room? Mioawmioaw Since I can find nothing better to play with, I shall see what happens when I sharpen my claws on this handy piece of furniture. Roww-maww-roww I am so glad to see that you have returned home with both arms full of groceries. I will now rub myself against your legs and attempt to trip you as you walk towards the kitchen. Gakk-ak-ak My digestive passages seem to have formed a hairball. Wherever could this have come from? I shall leave it here upon the carpeting. Mmow Snuggling is a good idea. Moww Shedding is pretty good, too. Mowww! I was enjoying snuggling and shedding in the warm clean laundry until you removed me so unkindly. Miaow! Miaow! I have discovered that, although one may be able to wedge his body through the gap behind the stove and into that little drawer filled with pots and pans, the reverse path is slightly more difficult to navigate. Mraakk! Oh, small bird! Please come over here. Ssssroww! I believe that I have found a woodchuck or similar animal. Mmmrowmmm It is certain that the best tasting fish is one you have caught yourself. Mmmmmmm If I sit in the sunshine for another hour or so, I think I shall be satisfied. Mreoaw Please ask room service to send up another can of tunafish. Mreeeow Do you serve catnip with that? Mroow I have forced my body into a tiny space in order to look cute. How'm I doin? Miaooww! Mriaow! Since you are using the can opener, I am certain that you understand the value of a well-fed and pampered cat. Please continue. --anon. ...and not to be outdone, the dogs have demanded equal time. *** HOW MANY DOGS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB? Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. Rottweiler: Make me! Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh?Huh? Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy. Jack Russell: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares? Mastiff: Do it yourself! I'm not afraid of the dark... Doberman: While it's out, I'll just take a nap on the couch. Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there! Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb? Sheep Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle... Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs-- people change light bulbs. I am not one of THEM so the question is, how long before I can expect my light again? Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb? Old English Sheep dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb? Basset Hound: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... --submitted by Jo B. ===================================== OK.OK! Dogs' turn. Send in some of those dog jokes!!! dogs@webpastor.com Cya next week. Rocco and Sue. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol 5 No.1 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear NetFamily, The temperatures have begun to sink here in Sydney. We are getting out our winter woolies and preparing for the cold. Hope those in the northern hemisphere are enjoying spring. READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD In all that has happened to us, you have been just; you have acted faithfully, while we did wrong. Our kings, our leaders, our priests and our fathers did not follow your law; they did not pay attention to your commands or the warnings you gave them. Even while they were in their kingdom, enjoying your great goodness to them in the spacious and fertile land you gave them, they did not serve you or turn from their evil ways. But see, we are slaves today, slaves in the land you gave our forefathers so they could eat its fruit and the other good things it produces. Nehemiah 9:34-36 (NIV) No-one likes to admit they are wrong, and people will often go to great lengths to avoid admitting guilt. But in this passage from the Old Testament, the Levite priests stand before God on behalf of the entire nation of Israel to say: it was our fault. They recounted the history of the nation, stating fully how God had saved them, nurtured them, blessed them, while their thanks had been to rebel against Him. And they admitted that it was not just once, but over and over again. It does us good to remember history, to remember the good things that God has done for us. By doing so, we can put hardship in perspective, and we can learn. TESTIMONY I believed my entire life about God--ever since I was a little girl. But now I'm in Junior High, I see just how many don't have God in their lives. The girl I have been best friends with since the sixth grade is probably one of the nicest girls in school but does not even have God in her life. I cry for my friend. I try to convince her that God is the way. I said to her to come to church with me, but she would not come. We talk on the phone and she says she has not been to church in three years. I truly know I am a Christian, but now I'm stronger. I know that God's the only way and that I will never give up trying to bring friends to Christ. There is this amazing love inside me for God." Sandra. PRAYER CORNER ***Pray that we always remember what God has done for us in Jesus and live in the light of Jesus' great sacrifice. ***Pray for our family and friends who do not know Jesus, that they may come to love Him. ***Pray for a burning desire, like Sandra, to reach the lost. ***Little Amelia D has had her operation. So far so good. Pray for a quick recovery and full restoration to health. Lift up her family as well. ***Pray for Lebanon, hit by torrential rains and floods. ***Rose T and GK will both have surgery this month. Pray for the doctors as they treat them. ***Pray for Wayne S' neck, injured in a car accident several years ago. It is troubling him again. HAHAHA CORNER The dog jokes have arrived! ***Fred, Bruce and Andy are on a TV quiz show. The host stands in front of Fred, and says: "OK, for 10 points, sing a song that mentions a dog somewhere in the lyrics." Fred thinks for a moment, then bursts into song with "You ain't nothin' but a hound dog ...cryin' all the time.." "Well done - 10 points!" says the host. He turns to Bruce: "Right, next contestant. 20 points if you can sing a song that mentions a dog somewhere in the lyrics." Bruce thinks for a moment. "How much is that doggie in the window, the one with the waggily tail!" "Very good, 20 points!" cries the host. He turns to Andy. "OK, 30 points for you if you can sing a song that mentions a dog somewhere in the lyrics..." Andy creases his brow in thought, then bursts into song. "Strangers in the night...exchanging glances ...wond'ring in the night...what were the chances... we'd be sharing love...before the night was through..." "Hang on!" cries the host. "That song doesn't mention a dog anywhere!!" "Now, you wait until the break in the middle," says Andy. "Scooby dooby do..be dooby dooby, scooby dooby doo..." ---submitted by Phil Matthews ***A Few Rules For Dogs -The cat is not a self propelled squeaky toy. -I will not steal the remote control and bury it. -Mommy's pots and pans do not need to be taken outside and added to my "borrowed things" pile. -I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration. -I will not do 90mph over all the furniture when people are sitting on it. --Anon. ***Joseph M has supplied this one (we own a cat by the way, so no complaints please.LOL) Wolf Dog: "Yeah, I like cats too, want to exchange recipes?" ***And now for some human jokes.... THE WORRY WORT Tom had been a compulsive worrier for years until he found a way to overcome this problem. His friends noticed the dramatic change. "You don't seem to be worried about anything anymore." "I hired a professional worrier for $1000.00 a week, "Tom replied. "I haven't had a single qualm since." "A thousand a week!" said Doug. "How are you going to pay him?" "That's his problem." --Anon. *** Stupid Love During a friendly argument, Jim asked his wife why she married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," she teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, she was surprised and requested an explanation. "People break up all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid." --Anon. =================================== ...ain't that the truth? hahaha! Ciao! Until next week! Rocco and Sue +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol.5 No.2 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear Netfamily, As the Beatles wrote, "Here Comes The Sun"! Sydney's wet spell seems to be drying up, at least for the time being.The growth has been a blessing for our native birds, which are flourishing in our front and back yards. Wish you could see the colours. READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD And Mary said: "My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed,for the Mighty One has done great things for me-- holy is his name. His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation. He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble. He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty.He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful to Abraham and his descendants forever, even as he said to our fathers." Luke 1:47-55 (NIV) Mary, sadly, has suffered at the hands of the church over the centuries. Either she has been given almost goddess-like status or she has been ignored by those who react against the former. Yet Mary was a woman blessed by God, and she herself did not know why. She knew it had nothing to do with her own goodness - she acknowledged God as her Saviour- and that it had nothing to do with her status, which was that of a servant. At first she was rightly concerned about her unwed state, but still she trusted God. After she visited Elizabeth and saw clearly the hand of God, she sang in wide-eyed awe of His mighty works, and of the promises made to Abraham, which were being fulfilled, as she breathed. It is not surprising that the last mention of Mary in the Bible places her in the upper room with the Disciples at Pentecost, waiting for the coming of the Holy Spirit. Her main job over at that point, she bowed out of history, but remains a challenging example of faith. TESTIMONY Chris F is a bi-vocational Pastor(financial planner by day). He writes: I have some very special clients that have been with me for about 10 years. A devoted couple. Not "Church people" in the slightest but great people nonetheless. I found out during the week that the gentleman has cancer and has been in hospital on death's door for sometime. This precipitated a consultation in my office and a visit to the hospital to make sure everything was in order. Whilst there I asked my clients if they had been called on by a chaplain, as they were worried about funeral arrangements having had no church connections.I offered to do the funeral if and when it became necessary, which they were very relieved about as we have known each other for a long time. I also said that I would like to come back the next day wearing a different "Hat" to go through some chaplaincy materials with them which they were very happy about. As I sat with them today at the bedside, I had the opportunity to share the good news about Jesus and the fact that they could know their future beyond the grave. By Gods grace I also had the opportunity to pray with both the husband and the wife as they stepped over the line of faith and received Christ into their lives. This reminded of two things; 1. Eternal life is there for the asking, and we should never assume that just because people aren't "Church folks" that they are not interested in Knowing Christ.Matthew 7:7 NKJV)"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." 2. God is happy to see people turn to Christ even if they are well advanced in years (like my clients) as it means His only Sons death was not wasted.At around 11:15 am today not only were my clients lives changed forever, but so was mine. PRAYER POINTS ***Thank The Lord that He loved us even when we were sinners. ***Thank Him that He has blessed us. Ask Him to help us never to forget the good things He has done,especially when times are rough. ***Thank Him for a successful operation on little Amelia D. She is smiling again and regaining her former energy. ***Keep Rose T in your prayers as she recovers from surgery. Also Les A's mum is being operated on today (heart bypass). Keep her and the family in your prayers. ***Pray for outreach and growth in our congregations. ***Pray for those serving God in difficult situations: prisons,war zones,countries where there are political restrictions. HAHAHA CORNER ***Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!" "Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?" The clerk replies, "Canned or frozen?" -Anon. ***ONE BAD DAY There was this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He didn't move for a half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up right next to him, took the drink from the guy, and just drank it all down. The poor man started crying. The truck driver turned and said: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying." "No, it's not that. Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss became outraged and fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found out that it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I then got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home depressed and came to this bar. And now, when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, YOU show up and drink my poison." ---Submitted by Mandy ***Things to Consider: -Home is where you can say anything you like because nobody listens to you anyway. -I live in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here. -When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas. -I don't have a big ego, I'm way too cool for that. -If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'? -I see your IQ test results were negative. -Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. -When I was born, I was so surprised I couldn't talk for a year and a half. -I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected. -After all is said and done, usually more is said than done. -I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect. -I married my wife for her looks, but not the ones she's been giving me lately. -Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive. -Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted. -No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning. -I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: CHECKOUT TIME IS 18. -Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well? -How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on. -On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was, surrounded by trees and bushes. -Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. -I earn a seven figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved. -The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world. ---submitted by Pat C ***Some Punny Jokes -A sandwich goes into a bar and says "I'll have a pint of Guinness, please". The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve sandwiches!" -A baby owl said "What! What!" and his mother says "No, it's hoo! hoo!". The baby owl says "What! What!" and his mother says "No, it's hoo!hoo!" Again the baby owl says "What! what!". Finally the mother owl says "How many times do I have to tell you, it's hoo, you know, not what, you know". -A man is on trial for forging a stamp collection. He pleaded innocent on the grounds that imitation is the most sincere form of philately. -When golf first started, one under par was a birdie, two under par was an eagle, and three under par was a partridge. Then they had to change the rules because you couldn't get a partridge on a par three. ---submitted by Phil M ============================================== Sue: My father hit a birdie on the golf course once. Rocco: Really? Sue: I mean he REALLY hit a birdie. His ball knocked it right out of the sky. Rocco: Are you serious? Sue: Yes, for once I am! It really happened. It was okay after a minute or so, though. It just got winded! Until next week... good-bye! Rocco and Sue =================================================== Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol 5 No.3 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear NetFamily, The Flu season has hit! Many Australians are talking through blocked noses at the moment ...what? You mean, no-one else noticed? Well, we never!!!... hahahaha!!! READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. "This, then, is how you should pray: "`Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. ' For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:5-15 (NIV) Every day millions of prayers ascend from earth, but just what sort of prayers does God listen to? From the passage above, Jesus makes it clear that prayer is not a spiritual shopping list. The name of the game is not "gimme gimmee gimmee" but "Your will be done". In other words, the prayer that God listens to is God-centred, not us-centred. It is not uttered in such a way to impress those around us with our knowledge of vocabulary nor of our goodness. It begins with a statement of God's relationship to us (and so the unstated kinship we share with other believers) and it talks of God's glorious character. It asks God to help us further His kingdom and put His will above our own, before it turns to our needs. Our needs. Not our wants. And it then turns to the complicated matter of forgiveness. If our brother is a sinner, then so are we. If our brother has hurt us, so have we hurt another. It is only just that if we expect forgiveness for our sins, so should we offer it, even if our overtures are rejected. And the model prayer ends with a plea for God's help to keep us safe from the things that can turn us from what is good, and to protect us from the evil that abounds in this world. It seems such a simple prayer, but it encompasses every human need, both physical and spiritual. IN HIS MOTHER'S FOOTSTEPS It was a busy day in our Costa Mesa, California, home. But then, with 6 children and one on the way, every day was a bit hectic. On this particular day, however, I was having trouble doing even routine chores - all because of one little boy. Len, who was three at the time, was on my heels no matter where I went. Whenever I stopped to do something and turned back around, I would trip over him. Several times, I patiently suggested fun activities to keep him occupied. "Wouldn't you like to play on the swing set?" I asked again. But he simply smiled an innocent smile and said, "Oh, that's all right Mommy. I'd rather be in here with you." Then he continued to bounce happily along behind me. After stepping on his toes for the fifth time, I began to lose my patience and insisted that he go outside and play with the other children. When I asked him why he was acting this way, he looked up at me with sweet green eyes and said, "Well, Mommy, in Sunday class my teacher told me to walk in Jesus' footsteps. But I can't see him, so I'm walking in yours." I gathered Len in my arms and held him close. Tears of love and humility spilled over from the prayer that grew in my heart - a prayer of thanks for the simple, yet beautiful perspective of a three-year-old boy. Copyright =A9 Davida Dalton (As told to JoEllen Johnson) All Rights Reserved PRAYER POINTS ***Thank God for the model prayer that Jesus taught us. Pray that we may think deeply each time we say the words, and that we may adapt our own prayers to follow the model. ***Thank God for His blessed Son, in whose footsteps we walk. Pray that our feet follow Him totally and help others to follow Him too. ***Thank God the the continued recovery of Rose T and baby Amelia D. Keep Les A and his mum in your prayers as they both recover from surgery. *** Give thanks for Warren C who has found work after months of prayer & searching. Who is he with? The old "opposition" company Optus! God has a mighty sense of humour! ***Pray for the troubled country of Indonesia as political crises develop. Pray for Rocco and Sue and their girls as they head there in July. ***Olivia has emailed & asked for this prayer: "Please pray for M and D they have reached an impasse in their relationship. Pray for God's intervention. Pray that God's will would be done." ***Pray for the Youth Camp our church is having this weekend. Many of the young ones have yet to make a commitment to Christ. Pray for an outpouring of the Holy Spirit in their lives. Give thanks for all the leaders: Jason, Pete, Ally & their team. ***Last week, Chris F shared with us his testimony of leading his terminally ill client to the Lord. He wrote today: "On Wednesday God called this six day old Christian home to be with himself and tomorrow afternoon at three I will have the privilege of conducting his funeral and sharing the Gospel with all in attendance." Pray for Chris and the family as they commit their loved one to eternity. HAHAHA CORNER ***There was this guy and he had a girlfriend named Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work and found that a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted with Clearly and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn't do anything with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine. He decided that there was nothing left to do but to break up with Lorraine and get on with Clearly. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Then one day they went for a walk along the riverbank when Lorraine slipped and fell into the river. The current carried her off and she drowned. The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then suddenly ran off singing... .... "I can see Clearly now. Lorraine has gone." ---submitted by Warren C ***A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children." The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 8 inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children." The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?" ---submitted by Pat C *** A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Smith, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in this country. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile." "Thank Goodness," returned Mr. Smith, "I thought you were going to want cash!" ---submitted by Pat C =========================================================== Sue:"Speaking of money... Rocco, have you noticed that despite the high cost of living, it still remains so popular?" Rocco:(thinks to himself) See you next week. Rocco & Sue! +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! Vol. 5 No. 4 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear NetFamily, Q:How are your nose and feet similar? A:They both run and smell. Yes, it's an old one, but since we "down under" are succumbing to the dreaded winter colds, it seemed somewhat appropriate! READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD Josiah was eight years old when he became king... He did what was right in the eyes of the LORD and walked in all the ways of his father David, not turning aside to the right or to the left. In the eighteenth year of his reign, King Josiah sent the secretary, Shaphan son of Azaliah, the son of Meshullam, to the temple of the LORD. Hilkiah the high priest said to Shaphan the secretary, "I have found the Book of the Law in the temple of the LORD." He gave it to Shaphan, who read it.Then Shaphan the secretary informed the king, "Hilkiah the priest has given me a book." And Shaphan read from it in the presence of the king. When the king heard the words of the Book of the Law, he tore his robes. 2 Kings 22:1a,2-3,9-11 (NIV) We take it for granted that when we go to a church, that someone reads from the Bible. Imagine how it would be, then, if the Bible had got lost, and no one knew where it was, and so no one ever read from it. How would we know what God was like, what He had done throughout history, and what He wants us to be? That was how it was throughout the early reign of Josiah. Josiah was a religious man. He was in the process of restoring the temple when the Book of the Law was found. His reaction to hearing it is awe-inspiring. He tore his robes, an action which is related to mourning and grief. He was sorry that he had not followed God with his whole heart soul mind and strength: remember that he was already a a 'good' man, a man who did believe in God. Yet, there was something missing in his life - a sense of knowing God personally, of conversing with Him through the Book He gave Israel. When Josiah came to this personal knowledge through hearing God's word, he changed, and so did the whole nation. They threw away their idols and burned them. How about us? Are we praying for our leaders? Are we prepared to burn our modern-day idols? Just how much does hearing God's word affect us? TESTIMONY This one is a real "cutie". One of our hitsters, Rose T and her family went to a restaurant recently for a birthday celebration. There were balloons all around one section of the restaurant in preparation for another party that was about to take place. Rose's seven year old son, Derek, gazed at all the decorations and then turned to her and said, "You know mum, if I wasn't a Christian, I would take one of those balloons." How humbling that a seven year old can put faith and action together. Pray for that little man and thank God that he is absorbing the teachings of the Word. PRAYER POINTS **Thank God for His written word, which lets us into His thoughts and brings us into relationship with him. ** Praise God for the ready availability of the Bible in our lands, and pray for those who cannot obtain a copy. **Pray for the many societies and individuals involved in Bible translation and distribution throughout the world. **Pray that all those who have ready access to a Bible, take advantage of that privilege. **Pray for our leaders that they may lead our countries in God's path. **Thank God for the continued recovery of Amelia D, Rose T and Les A & his mum. **Patti has asked for prayers for her kidneys which are failing again. **Pray for Indonesia as the political situation worsens. Pray for the Scarcella family heading there in July. **Pray also for the granting of excess weight allowance needed to take donated supplies to the orphanage. HAHAHA CORNER ***Stock Market Terminology Explained -Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low. -Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower. -Broker - Poorer than you were in 2000. -Standard & Poor - Your life in a nut shell. -Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock. -Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. -Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no conversation. -Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for milk and bread. -Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks. -Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the sink. -Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail. -Cisco - Side kick of Poncho. -Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to someone else for $540 per share. -Windows 2000 - What you jump out of when you're the someone who bought Yahoo for $540 per share. -Institutional Investor - Past year investor who's now locked up permanently. --Anon. ***Whether it's just down the block, or around the world, some things are the same all over. How Many Of These Have You Heard While Growing Up?: -"Someday your face will stay like that?" -"What if everyone jumped off a cliff? Would you do it, too?" -"You're going to put your eye out with that thing!" -"Close the door behind you---were you born in a barn?" -"Don't put that in your mouth, you don't know where it's been!" -"Because I said so, that's why?" -"Don't use that tone with me!" -"Eat those carrots,they're good for your eyes. Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?" -"There's enough dirt in those ears to plant potatoes!" -"If you can't say something nice,don't say anything at all". -"I hope someday you have a child just like you!" -"Don't talk with your mouth full!" -"Sit like a lady!" -"I'm not just talking to hear my head rattle!" -"I'm going to give you until the count of three!" -"Don't cross your eyes;they will freeze that way." -"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." -"If you swallow that watermelon seed, a watermelon will grow in your stomach." -Pat C **And for all you musos: ON ANOTHER NOTE: -A man left his bagpipes in the back seat with the window rolled down. Realizing his mistake after only a few blocks, he hurried back - but it was too late! Someone had ALREADY left another set of bagpipes next to the first... -How many lead-singers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one -they just hold the bulb over their heads, and the universe revolves around them! -What's the difference between a snake and a trombone player, both dead in the road? The snake MIGHT have been on it's way to a paying gig... -How do you know it's a drummer who's at your door? The knocking speeds up, and slows down, and speeds up, and... -In the Amazon, why should you only be afraid when the drums STOP beating? That means the guitar solo is gonna start... -Why do bagpipers walk as they play? To get away from the sound... -How does a bluegrass band know when the stage is level? Cuz the accordion player is drooling out of BOTH sides of his mouth. -submitted by Kevin C ========================================================== Sue: "Oh Rocco, weren't those last jokes very aMUSing???" Rocco: Cya next week. Rocco & Sue. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol. 6 No.1 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear Netsters, The Australian churches have just filled in the "National Church Life Survey", a kind of census to see what is going on here (and overseas). One of the Questions was:"How important is God in your life?" Crucial question: it will be interesting to read the results when they are published. READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD Joab was told, "The king is weeping and mourning for Absalom." And for the whole army the victory that day was turned into mourning, because on that day the troops heard it said, "The king is grieving for his son." The men stole into the city that day as men steal in who are ashamed when they flee from battle. The king covered his face and cried aloud, "O my son Absalom! O Absalom, my son, my son!" Then Joab went into the house to the king and said, "Today you have humiliated all your men, who have just saved your life and the lives of your sons and daughters and the lives of your wives and concubines. You love those who hate you and hate those who love you. You have made it clear today that the commanders and their men mean nothing to you. I see that you would be pleased if Absalom were alive today and all of us were dead. Now go out and encourage your men. I swear by the LORD that if you don't go out, not a man will be left with you by nightfall. This will be worse for you than all the calamities that have come upon you from your youth till now." So the king got up and took his seat in the gateway. When the men were told, "The king is sitting in the gateway," they all came before him. Meanwhile, the Israelites had fled to their homes. 2 Kings 19:1-8 (NIV) What a conflict of emotions for King David! His nation is in danger, his people in dismay, his family under real threat, and all this at the hand of David's own son, Absalom, who has committed treason and set himself up as king. David loves the young man - Absalom is his favourite son - but he has to take arms against him. Finally Absalom is killed and David is devastated. Like any father, he grieves. Yet he is brought to task by the very man who took Absalom's life. "Where are your priorities? Are they with your nation and your people or with your son? Will your risk slandering your army for personal grief?" David has been through this dilemma before. Then he let his passion for Bathsheba overrule his duty to his God and his people. The results were disastrous. This time he knows what he must do. God comes first. He rises up and goes to thank his army for their faithfulness. David would have filled in the first box on the Church Life Survey Question "How important is God in your life?" - "The most important!". INSPIRATIONAL STORY The cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box. Oh please, Mummy. Can I have them? Please, Mummy, please?" Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face. "A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma." As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbour and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace. Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere, Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet they might turn her neck green. Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story.One night when he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?""Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you." "Then give me your pearls." "Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess - the white horse from my collection. The one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one you gave me. She's my favorite." "That's okay, Honey. Daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek with a kiss. About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?" "Daddy, you know I love you." "Then give me your pearls." "Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is so beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper." "That's okay. Sleep well. God blesses you, little one. Daddy loves you". And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss. A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek. "What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?" Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here, Daddy. It's for you." With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's kind daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime-store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny. He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the cheap stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure. So it is with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasure. -submitted by Pammi K. PRAYER POINTS ***Thank God for His righteousness, that there is no shadow of turning in Him, so we know we can trust Him with everything. ***Thank Him for the treasure He promises to us through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ our Lord. ***Pray for the world's trouble spots, especially Indonesia at the moment. Pray that things will stay calm as as the process to impeach the President appears to have begun. ***Remember all those serving in Indonesia with their families: Anthony B, Markus P, Made and the children in the various orphanages. ***Our sister Patti has asked: "Please add me back to your prayer list. My kidneys are going down again as well as my pancreas and liver...... I need many prayers. God healed me before and I know he can again." HAHAHA CORNER ***MEMORIAL One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small national flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year- old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy and said quietly, "Good morning Alex." "Good morning Pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor McGhee, what is this?" Alex asked. "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the men and women who have died in the service." Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex's voice was barely audible when he asked, "Which one, the 9:00am or the 10:30am?" --Submitted by Cliff C ***After the baptism of his baby brother, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That minister said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys!" ---Anon. ***A golfer who was well into his golden years had a lifelong ambition to play one hole at Pebble Beach, California, the way the pros do it. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the green that is on a spit of land that just out off the coast. It was something he had tried hundreds of times without success. His ball always fell short, into the water. Because of this he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick. One year he went out to Pebble Beach to try again. When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old cut ball and said a silent prayer. Before he hit it, however, a powerful voice from above said, "WAIT. REPLACE THAT OLD BALL WITH A BRAND NEW BALL." He complied, with some slight misgiving, despite the fact that the Lord seemed to be implying that He was going to let him finally achieve his lifelong ambition. As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again, "WAIT. STEP BACK. TAKE A PRACTICE SWING." So he stepped back and took a practice swing. The voice boomed out again:"TAKE ANOTHER PRACTICE SWING." He did. Silence followed. Then the voice spoke out again, "PUT THE OLD BALL BACK." ---Anon. ============================================================ Rocco: "Sue,did you know that the Scots invented golf?" Sue: "Yes,and my father always said that's why they invented whisky!" Rocco: "And that's it for another next week, folks!" ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol 6. No.2 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear Hitsters, Well, it has been an exciting week for our denomination here in Sydney. We have seen the election of a new archbishop: a fine Bible-believing man, Dr Peter Jensen. Praise God for a swift and overwhelmingly positive election process! Give thanks too for the other 4 godly candidates, who were also willing to lead us. READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD The reason I left you in Crete was that you might straighten out what was left unfinished and appoint elders in every town, as I directed you. An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. Since an overseer is entrusted with God's work, he must be blameless --not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it. Titus 1:5-9 (NIV) A lot of people want to be Christian leaders because they are good at running things. God is more interested, however, in how good they are at running people, starting with themselves. The bar is high, and many of us have to admit that, by God's "job description", most of us ought to remain servants rather than become overseers! And that is the way it should be. God wants a certain type of leader, one who by his example, will lead others into righteousness. It's a hard job and there are always those who think they can do better... and tell you so! But certainly what we are called to do is to pray for our leaders as they "encourage us by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it! A TOUCH OF INSPIRATION Don't Miss Him They were looking for a lion, He came as a Lamb, and they missed Him. They were looking for a warrior, He came as a Peacemaker, and they missed Him. They were looking for a king, He came as a Servant, and they missed Him. They were looking for liberation from Rome, He submitted to the Roman stake, and they missed Him. They were looking for a fit to their mould, He was the mold maker, and they missed Him. What are you looking for? Lion? Warrior? King? Liberator? What are you looking for? They were looking for their temporal needs to be met, He came to meet their eternal need, and they missed Him. He came as a Lamb to be sacrificed for your sin. Will you miss Him? He came to make peace between God and man. Will you miss Him? He came to model servanthood for all mankind. Will you miss Him? He came that we might have true liberty. Will you miss Him? He came to give you eternal life. Will you miss Him? When we submit to the Lamb, we will meet the Lion. Join with the Peacemaker, and we will meet the Warrior. Work with the Servant, and we will meet the King. Walk with the Submitted, and we will meet the Liberator. Concern ourselves with the eternal, and we will have the temporal. If Jesus is not fitting into the mould you have, then come to the mould maker and get a new one. Submit to His plan for your life and you will see the eternal need met first; then all the other things you have need of will be taken care of as well. --submitted by Chris F PRAYER POINTS ***Thank God that He is our example as leader; and that He sent His Son Jesus, to show us how the paradox of Servant-King works. ***Praise God for godly leaders - they are few in this world. Pray for the raising up of more men and women of God who are willing to make their mark for Christ. ***Pray for our leaders that they might lead us in righteousness, and pray for ourselves that we serve faithfully. ***Greg H has asked for prayer. He writes: "Eight weeks ago I gained legal custody of my 2 youngest children. I am usually in excellent health. Two weeks ago I was admitted to hospital. The following day the surgeon told me that the outside of the lung was covered in a number of tumors.Further tests on biopsy samples showed that I have an asbestos related cancer." Greg asks us to pray for healing, so that he can return to looking after his daughters. ***Thank God that little Amelia D is recovering well, as is Noel O, Rose T, Les A and his mum. ***Keep praying for those with continuing health and family problems. ***Pray for the world's trouble spots: the Middle East, Indonesia primarily at the moment. IF YOU WOULD LIKE US TO PRAY FOR ANY NEEDSn please email us at: pray4me@webpastor.com HAHAHA CORNER ***Quotable Quote: "My father refused to spend money on me as a kid. One time I broke my arm playing football and my father tried to get a free X ray by taking me down to the airport and making me lie down with the luggage." -Glenn Super ***A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge. I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line." ***Two teenagers were arrested for misbehaviour. The arresting officer told them they were entitled to a phone call, since he was unable to reach either parents. Some time later, a man entered the station and the sergeant said, "I suppose you're the kids' lawyer." "Nope," the man replied. "I'm just here to deliver them a pizza." --Submitted by Sharon P. ***Ted walks into a bar and shouts out, "Who's the strongest person in here?" The toughest guy looks at him and says, "I am the strongest person around these parts!" Ted politely asks, "Can you help me push my car to the gas station?" ---Anon. ***NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE Jack had a near death experience that changed his life forever. One day, Jack went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. He tried with all his might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, Jack's foot got caught up in the stirrup. When this happened, he fell head first to the ground. His head continued to bounce harder and harder, and the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as he was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the store manager came out and unplugged it. ---Anon. ============================================ Sue:"Oh, I get it. It wasn't a real horse!" Rocco:"Hay, how did I get saddled with this?" ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol. 6 No.2 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Sorry we are a very late this week. The winter ills have arrived and Rocco has had to wait until Sue was out of her sick bed to type this up for him! READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD David took up this lament concerning Saul and his son Jonathan, and ordered that the men of Judah be taught this lament of the bow (it is written in the Book of Jashar): "Your glory, O Israel, lies slain on your heights. How the mighty have fallen! "Tell it not in Gath, proclaim it not in the streets of Ashkelon, lest the daughters of the Philistines be glad, lest the daughters of the uncircumcised rejoice. 2 Samuel 1:17-20 (NIV) Those who know the story know that Israel's first king was Saul. But Saul turned his back on the very God who appointed him leader, and so David was chosen as his successor. Yet Saul fought hard to maintain his position and hand it on to his son, Jonathan. The situation was further complicated by the fact that Jonathan supported David, yet was forced to fight beside his father. What a mess it was! So, after many battles, Saul was dead. You might think that David would rejoice that the problem was at last resolved, but he does not. He weeps. And he sings a lament that will be taught to his people. It talks of the civil war as a tragedy that has caused the reputation of God and His chosen people to be mocked throughout the pagan peoples surrounding them. If we love God, then let us live lives that will bring glory to Him, not shame. TESTIMONY Here is the story of a lady who is now bringing glory to God by her life and witness: "My name is Gabriela, 45 years old, happily married with two children and live in one of Melbourne’s beautiful suburbs. That changed eight years ago when I began a “hot, passionate” love affair with Poker Machine Gambling. I slowly emptied all our accounts and started lying professionally. I was addicted. When I had to tell my husband I swore “I will never go again”, just to break that promise the next day. I went to counselling, joined Gambler's Anonymous, but nothing helped. Eventually I cried out “God, if you are there, you have to take over. There is nothing that I can do that will get me out of this." That day God made me a "new" person." PRAYER POINTS ***Praise God that He knows all, and can, indeed, change bad to good for those who love Him. ***Praise God that Jesus has paid for the sins of the whole world, including ours. ***Pray for unity in our families, both blood and Christian. ***Pray for our sister-in-Christ V, whose son has left home and is living on the streets of Sydney, that this child of the covenant will return and look for healing. ***Keep praying for those who are sick or in recovery. ***Pray for those about to travel overseas, that they will keep well and also find opportunities to witness for Christ. ***Pray for those about to start new chapters in their lives. Pray for a quick settling in. ***Pray for those who are out of work, that they might find some work soon. ***Keep the world's trouble spots in your prayers: Indonesia & the Middle East in particular, but also the many countries hit by natural disasters at the moment, floods in China & several South American nations and "twisters" in the USA and Canada. HAHAHA CORNER ***A fellow tries to cross the border on a bicycle with two big bags balanced on his shoulders. The guard asks, "What's in the bags?" The fellow says, "SAND!" The guard wants to examine them. The fellow gets off the bike, places the bags on the ground, opens them up, and the guard inspects...only to find sand. The fellow packs the sand, places the bags on his shoulders, and pedals the bike across the border. Two weeks later, the same situation is repeated.... "What have you there?" "Sand" "We want to examine." Same results... nothing but sand and the fellow is on his way again. Every two weeks for six months the inspections continue. Finally, one week the fellow didn't show up. However, the guard sees him downtown and says to the fellow, "Buddy, you had us crazy. We sort of knew you were smuggling something. I won't say anything. What were you smuggling?" The fellow says, "Bicycles." -Anon. ***TeeShirts ... and a whole new industry was born ..... 1. Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam. (seen on Cape Cod) 2. That's It! I'm Calling Grandma! (seen on an 8 year old) 3. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up. 4. Procrastinate Now. 5. My Dog Can Lick Anyone. 6. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That? 7. Party - My Crib - Two A.M. (on a baby-size shirt) 8. The trouble with life is there's no background music. 9. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. 10. Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research. 11. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead. 12. Time's fun when you're having flies... Kermit the Frog. 13. HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH. 14. A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up a thousand times the memory. 15. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 16. Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit. 17. MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three-Mile-Island cleanup team. ---submitted by Jennie Graham ***A monastery in the English countryside was having a hard time with its cash flow because of the dwindling number of monks available to help with all the work. Then one day two of the monks, who had been discussing the problem, suggested they open a fish and chips stand down on the highway, right next to a scenic vista area popular with tourists. The other monks agreed, and the two put up the stand. One day a tourist who wanted to offer a compliment asked the monk on duty, "Are you the fish friar?" "No, sir," retorted the brother, "I'm the chip monk." ---Anon. ===================================================== Sue: Rocco, Let mee know if ewe knead mee two tipe enything els. Rocco: OweKay... Wear iz thet spel chequer? Cya nekst weak. Rokko end Soo. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol.6 No.3 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: What a week! We were just about to do the Hits! when the phone lines dropped out. It turned out that the electricity authority laying underground powerlines had cut right through all the PHONE lines. So we were without phone or internet for some 36 hours... but wait, there's more...just as the phone company arrived to fix the lines, the electricity company cut right through the GAS lines! .... The work continues and they are now very close to the WATER pipes! So, as soon as we finish this edition of the Hits! it's off to the showers![You just never know...] READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD Teach me, O LORD, to follow your decrees; then I will keep them to the end. Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart. Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word. Fulfill your promise to your servant, so that you may be feared. Take away the disgrace I dread, for your laws are good. How I long for your precepts! Preserve my life in your righteousness. Psalm 119:33-40 (NIV) David knew all too well the dangers of this world. He had fallen into public sin once and it weighed forever on his mind. So he prayed to God to teach him from His holy word. To David, it was the only way to avoid falling into sin again. And so it is for us too. God's word taken daily and exercised, will ensure good spiritual health. TESTIMONY "Greetings in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ. It was at a youth revival in December that I heard these words, "If you are a child of God, you can't do the things you were doing before. If you do, then you aren't a child of God, you still are in the world". This, my brothers and sisters, is what opened my eyes. I had been doing ungodly things and the Lord just stepped in and said enough is enough. I would like to thank God for deliverance from the demons that ruled my life and I can truly say that I have learned what it takes to be a faithful Christian. I refuse to give up and go back to where I once was." -Kourtni. PRAYER POINTS ***Thank God for leaving us His holy word, the Bible, which is the normal way He speaks to us. ***Thank Him also for His living word Jesus, who is God made flesh. ***Thank Him thirdly for the Holy Spirit who points us towards Jesus, and shows us all truth. ***Pray for countries which have experienced unexpected unrest, such as Great Britain and Sweden. Pray also for an end to a series of youth-led street violence in Sydney, Australia. ***Pray for stability in Indonesia and for protection over our Christian family there. Remember the Scarcellas as they head there in the next month. ***Remember those touched by loss. ***We have had a request for rain for Western Australia. The crops are in danger. ***Pray for countries experiencing flooding especially South America, and for the USA recovering from twisters. HAHAHA CORNER ***As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband's ranch. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband never to touch it. For 50 years Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt Edna was old and dying.One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important.Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash. He took the box to her and asked about the contents."My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explained. "She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you." Uncle Jack was very touched that in 50 years she'd only been mad at him twice. "What's the $82,500 for?" he asked. "Oh, well that is the money I've made selling the Doilies." ---submitted by Pat C *** "Waiter", come here at once," the agitated diner called out. "Can you explain why there is a footprint in the middle of the food that I have ordered?". "Yes Sir," replied the water. "You rushed in here, asked for a large omelet and told me to step on it." --submitted by Pat C ***A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The woman nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping." --submitted by Rose T ***Are any of these on your personnel file? LOL: "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom..and has started to dig." "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." "This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite won't be'." "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet." "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle." "This young lady has delusions of adequacy." "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." --Anon ============================================= Sue: "I think I've worked with some of them." Rocco: "Sorry, but I refuse to say anything on the grounds that it might incriminate you." Cya next week. Rocco and Sue. ============================================= Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol 6 No 4 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear NetFamily, Does anyone else have a love/hate relationship with vacations? On the one hand, you look forward to them eagerly, but on the other hand the preparations drive you nuts...or maybe it's just us! READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you. "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you." So Abram left, as the LORD had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Haran. He took his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot, all the possessions they had accumulated and the people they had acquired in Haran, and they set out for the land of Canaan, and they arrived there. Genesis 12:1-5 (NIV) The Bible does not tell us what spiritual preparation Abram had for the journey he was about to undertake. Certainly, the land in which he was resident was pagan. Yet, the extended family of Abram must have preserved orally (perhaps even in written form) the Biblical narratives of the Creation, the Fall and the Flood because Abram was able to recognise the voice of God the moment he heard it! Not only did he recognise God's voice but he obeyed it unquestioningly. Abram was to leave a settled, prosperous world in which he was wealthy by anyone's standards. He was to leave the fellowship of his own people, and the comfort of his own home for an unknown wandering existence in a desert land thousands of miles away. But he obeyed a promise, the half of which he would not see in his lifetime, because he trusted the One who made that promise. TESTIMONY I just want to say to anyone out there who thinks that they cannot make it because life is so hard and the problems too big: "You are not alone if you know Jesus as your Saviour and Lord." I am 66 years old and have been a Christian since I was 11. I have been through clinical depression, hospitalization seven times, a divorce and the raising of two sons alone, a heart attack, cardiovascular disease, hypoglyclemia, arthritis and have struggled with thoughts of suicide. Don't give up! Jesus is always there and there is victory in the trial and on the other side of the trial. No matter what you see, feel, or think, God is at work in your circumstance and He loves you very much. Glory to His Name. (James 1:2-4). --Ernestine Bonicelli PRAYER POINTS ***Thank God that we need not be alone on this journey through life, that we can have Him with us at all times, because He has promised that and He keeps His promises. ***Thank God for sending His Son to take our burdens. ***Thank the Lord for the Holy Spirit, the Comforter. ***Pray for those who are going through crises that they will cling to Jesus. ***Pray for countries where there is political trouble: Israel, Macedonia, Indonesia. Pray especially for the brothers and sisters in Christ who are suffering for their faith in many countries. ***Keep the Scarcellas in your prayers as they travel to Indonesia. Pray that those last minute "loose ends" can be tied up. HAHAHA CORNER ***Did you hear about the church that awarded one of its parishioners a medal for being their most humble? They had to take it back because he wanted to wear it. ---submitted by Tim D ***An impatient angler had tried four varieties of bait without a single bite. Finally, in disgust, he drew in his reel, and threw a handful of coins into the stream. "Okay," he hollered, "go and buy something you DO like!" ---submitted by Pat C *** Children's Answers to Science Exam Questions Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U. Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport. Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. ---submitted by Pat C =========================================================== Rocco: "Hey Sue, did you hear about the time some English radio comedians got a request for a *singed* photo. They took a cigarette lighter to one and sent it to the fan. Sue: "I remember that! They got another letter back thanking them for the photo but complaining that it was all *signed* around the edges. Until next week! Rocco & Sue. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol 7 No 1 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear Net Family, We are writing this edition of the Hits! sitting under a palm tree in Bali, using a batik computer we haggled for in the markets....Well, not really... READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD The word of the LORD came to Jonah son of Amittai: "Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me." But Jonah ran away from the LORD and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the LORD. Jonah 1:1-3 (NIV) In stark contrast to Abraham stands Jonah, prophet of God. He has ample spiritual preparation for his journey, and he knows exactly where he is going, yet his first reaction is to get on a ship and go in the other direction. He is a man many of us could identify with! It takes a hard lesson in the belly of a great fish to show Jonah that God has no intention of letting him off the hook (bad pun!). In fact, through the Jonah's preaching the wicked city of Nineveh repents. It is to Jonah's shame that he sulks about this, that the Ninevites should have escaped punishment. God, however, is a God of mercy and even the most wicked must have their chance to accept Him as Lord. TESTIMONY There was a boy by the name of Steve. Mr C had an open-door policy and would take in any student that had been thrown out of another class as long as they would abide by his rules. Steve had been kicked out of his sixth period and no other teacher wanted him, so he went into Mr C's class. Mr C asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him. He said, “You think you’re pretty tough, don’t you?” Steve’s answer was, “Yeah, I do.” Mr C asked, “How many push-ups can you do?” Steve said, “I do about 200 every night.” “200? That’s pretty good, Steve,”Mr C said. “Do you think you could do 300?” Steve replied, “I don’t know… I’ve never done 300 at a time. But I could try.” “Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I need you to do 300 in sets often for this to work. Can you do it? I need you to tell me you can do it,” Mr C said. “Well… I think I can… yeah, I can do it.” Mr C said, “Good! I need you to do this on Friday.” Friday came. When class started, Mr C pulled out a big box of donuts, not the normal kinds of donuts. They were the extra fancy BIG kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited—it was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to get donuts! Mr C went to the first girl in the first row and asked, “Cynthia, do you want a donut?” Cynthia said, “Yes.” Mr C then turned to Steve and asked, “Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?” Steve said, “Sure,” and jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. Mr C put a donut on Cynthia’s desk. Mr C then went to Joe, the next person, and asked,“Joe, do you want a donut?” Joe said, “Yes.” Mr C asked, “Steve would you do ten push-ups so Joe can have a donut?” Steve did ten push-ups and Joe got a donut. And so it went, down the first aisle, Steve did ten push ups for every person before they got their donut. And down the second aisle, till Mr C came to Scott. Scott was captain of the football team and center of the basketball team. When Mr C asked, “Scott do you want a donut?”Scott’s reply was, “Well, can I do my own pushups?” Mr C said, “No, Steve has to do them.” Then Scott said, “Well, I don’t want one then.” Mr C then turned to Steve and asked, “Steve, would you do ten pushups so Scott can have a donut he doesn’t want?” Steve started to do ten pushups. Scott said, “HEY! I said I didn’t want one!” Mr C said, “Look, this is my classroom, my class, my desks, and my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don’t want it.” And he put a donut on Scott’s desk. Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his brow. Mr C started down the third row. Now the students were beginning to get a little angry. Mr C asked Jenny, “Jenny, do you want a donut?” Jenny said, “No.” Then Mr C asked Steve, “Steve, would you do ten push ups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn’t want?” Steve did ten and Jenny got a donut. By now, the students were beginning to say “No” and there were all theseuneaten donuts on the desks. Steve also had to really put forth a lot of effort to get these push ups done for each donut. There began to be a small pool of sweat on the floor beneath his face, his arms and brow were beginning to get red because of the physical effort involved. Mr C did a quick count and saw 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it. Near the end of the row, Steve was really having a rough time. A few moments later, Jason came to the room and was about to come in when all the students yelled, “NO! Don’t come in! Stay out!” Jason didn’t know what was going on. Steve picked up his head and said,“No, let him come.” Mr C said, “You realize that if Jason comes in you will have to do ten pushups for him.” Steve said, “Yes, let him come in.” Mr C finally got to the last girl in the room. By this time, Steve was shaking and sweating profusely. Mr C went to the last girl, Susan. “Susan, do you want a donut?” Susan, with tears flowing down her face, asked, “Mr C, can I help him?” Mr C, with tears of his own, said, “No, he has to do it alone. “Steve, would you do ten push ups so Susan can have a donut?” As Steve very slowly finished his last push up, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 pushups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor. Mr C turned to the room and said, “And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, plead to the Father, “Into thy hands I commend my spirit.” With the understanding that He had done everything that was required of Him, he collapsed on the cross and died. And like some of those in this room, many of us leave the gift on the desk, uneaten.” --Author unknown PRAYER POINTS *** Thank God the Father for the inexpressible gift of His Son, our Lord Jesus Christ. ***Thank God and praise Jesus for His glorious sacrifice on our behalf. ***Pray for those we know who have left the gift of eternal life uneaten. ***Keep in your prayers those in physical and spiritual difficulties. ***Keep in mind those who are labouring for the spread of the Gospel in diffult situations. ***Pray for the peace of the world and the return of Jesus. HAHAHA CORNER ***A guy was typing away at his home computer, when his six- year-old daughter sneaked up behind him. Suddenly, she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!" "What is it?" her sisters asked eagerly. Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!" ---Anon. ***A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?" "I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant." "You sell them here?" the customer asks. "Only $4 apiece," says Morris. The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter. "You didn't eat enough, " says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry. "Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!" "You see?" says Morris. "You're smarter already." --Anon. ***STUPID QUOTES ABOUT TERRORISM "In every country the Communists have taken over, the first thing they do is outlaw cockfighting." - John Monks, Oklahoma state representative, arguing against a bill that would make cockfighting illegal in the state: "That was consciously ambiguous in the sense that any terrorist government or terrorist movement that is contemplating such actions I think knows clearly what we are speaking of." - Alexander Haig, then Secretary of State, when asked by a reporter to make a statement clearer. ================================================= Sue: "Well, that was easy for him to say!" Rocco:(knocking head against palm tree) Sampai minggu depan! (That means "See you next week!") Rocco & Sue. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] Webpastor Weekly Hits Vol. 7 No.2 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Greetings Hitsters! We tried to send the Hits to you via a jungle vine... but it broke. So we are sending it back home in Oz. LOL READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God ; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." Thomas said to him, "Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?" Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:1-6 (NIV) Like Jonah, we know the destination. Like Abraham, we are destined to wander in a "foreign land" (the earth) until we get there. But like both of them, we have heard the voice of God speaking, and to us it was clearer than to them, because it came through Jesus. Yet, despite His faithfulness, and all the reassurances that he would both prepare a place for us, and yet never leave us, many of us still say we do not know the way. Jesus does not mince words: He is THE way to the Father. Let us trust Him today. INSPIRATION "Prints of Elbows on My Bed" I was but a youth and thoughtless, As all youths are apt to be; Though I had a Christian mother Who had taught me carefully. There came a time when pleasure Of the world came to allure, And I no more sought the guidance Of her love so good and pure. Her tender admonitions fell But lightly on my ear, And for the gentle warnings I felt an inward sneer. But Mother would not yield her boy To Satan's sinful sway, And though I spurned her counsel She knew a better way. She made my room an altar, A place of secret prayer, And there she took her burden And left it in His care. And morning, noon and evening By that humble bedside low, She sought the aid of Him who Understands a mother's woe. And I went my way unheeding, Careless of the life I led, Until one day I noticed Prints of elbows on my bed. Then I saw that she had been there Praying for her wayward boy, Who for love of worldly pleasure Would her peace of mind destroy. Long the conflict raged within me, Sin against my Mother's prayers, Sin must yield - for Mother never While she daily met Him there. And her constant love and patience Were like coals upon my head, Together with the imprints Of her elbows on my bed. And so at last the fight was won, And I to Christ was led, And Mother's prayers were answered By her elbows on my bed. ---ANON. PRAYER POINTS ***Thank God for Jesus, THE Way, THE Truth and THE Life.Thank God that there can be no doubts. ***Thank God for His graciousness in preparing a place of rest for His people. ***Pray for the return of Jesus, to finish all of God's work, and put an end to sin forever. ***Pray for revival in our countries, that many may turn to Christ and live and that our countries may be places we are proud of. ***Pray for those who are moving into new periods of their lives, changing homes, changing jobs, marrying or having children. ***Pray for pregnant mums Gina L and Anna S. HAHAHA CORNER ***A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. She commented, "I don't think that's going to help." "Sure it will." he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers." ---Anon. ***A jeweller watched as a huge truck pulled up in front of his store. The back came down and an elephant walked out. It broke one of the windows with its tusk and then, using its trunk like a vacuum cleaner sucked up all of the jewellery. The elephant then got back in the truck and it disappeared out of sight. When the jeweller finally regained his senses he called the police. The detectives came and he told them his story. "Could you describe the elephant?" the cop asked. "An elephant is an elephant," he replied. "You've seen one you've seen them all. What do you mean 'describe' him?" "Well," said the policeman, "there are two types of elephants, African and Indian. The Indian elephant has smaller ears and is not as large as the African elephant." "I can't help you out," said the frustrated jeweller, "he had a stocking pulled over his head." ---Anon. ***Mrs. Foggybottom noticed a beautiful locket hanging around Mrs. Murphy's neck. She couldn't help but ask, "I presume, Mrs. Murphy, you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?" "Indeed I do," Mrs. Murphy answered. "it's a lock of my Dan's hair." Surprised, Mrs. Foggybottom stated, "But your husband is still alive." "That he is," she said, "but his hair is long gone!" ---Anon. ================================================ Sue: "Ah, Rocco. How sweet that last joke is!" Rocco: "But, Sue, you know nostalgia just isn't what it used to be!" Until next week! Rocco & Sue. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol 7 No 4 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear Hitsters, We are about to have a census here in Australia. We have a 110 year old gentleman in Australia, who is about to be included in his third century of censuses! He was only a few months old when he was in the 1891 census. Hope he's ready for the "Eternal Census". That's the one all of us will be called upon to account for our lives! READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD Then I saw a great white throne and him who was seated on it. Earth and sky fled from his presence, and there was no place for them. And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books. The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what he had done. Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death. If anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire. Revelation 20:11-15 (NIV) Judgement is not a well-liked term. It implies guilt, and no-one wants to admit they are guilty. In the western world, people blame others for their problems. If they fall off ladders, it's the manufacturer's fault for not telling them how high they could climb. If their child eats a poisonous plant in the neighbour's yard, it is the neighbour's fault for having the plant. God says: 'Get real'. "All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God"(Romans 3:23). We should not look at others as the standard for "goodness", but at God, who is perfect. If we are in any doubt, look at Jesus, who is the image of the Heavenly Father, the perfect Lamb who came in human form and was sacrificed for an imperfect world. In other words, the census book of Heaven is in preparation and we cannot fudge the questions. God knows. TESTIMONY This testimony is very topical for Australians at the moment. What is really sad is that Antoine's imprisonment was a wrongful one: "I was imprisoned for five months as an illegal alien. I have never thought in a million years that I would be handcuffed and shackled one day like a hardened criminal. My basic human rights were violated daily by the Correctional Officers. I was incarcerated with rapists, murderers, drugs dealers, etc., but overcame my fear by praying and not behaving like them. I started a prayer group. Others joined us. Everyday God gave me hope. In Jeremiah 29:12,13, 14 the Bible says, "Then you will call upon Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity." God not only freed me,He was with me every day." --Antoine. PRAYER POINTS ***Thank God that He sent Jesus to die in our place,so that we can be forgiven our sins. ***Praise God that He puts up with nothing short of perfection and is completely "Untouchable". ***Thank God that so far Indonesia has avoided civil war, that the Presidency has changed hands peacefully. Pray for the new President Megawati Sukarnoputri, as she seeks to initiate reforms. ***Praise God for the opportunity Rocco, Sue and the girls had to minister to local Christians in Bali, Indonesia, and also for the great time of recreation. ***Pray for Jan M who is having health and accommodation difficulties. ***Pray for Rose T and her family. A number of family members, including her mum, are having health problems and/or operations. It is a stressful time. ***Pray for Mrs M in Indonesia who is at the end of her tether with financial worries and family stresses. ***Pray for Mark and Lynn D as they prepare to go back home to WA to prepare for ordained ministry. ***Pray for those with ongoing health problems that God may bring them through. ***Keep the Christians in disaster affected areas in the world in your prayers as they not only cope with personal loss, but seek to minister to those with no hope. ***Thank God if we live in a country with stable government. Pray for our leaders, as they make difficult and important decisions on our behalf. Remember too those who lack such stability. HAHAHA CORNER ***Reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses: 1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?" 2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?" 3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?" 4. "Were you alone or by yourself?" 5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?" 6. "Did he kill you?" 7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?" 8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?" 9. "How many times have you committed suicide?" 10. Q: "She had three children, right?" A: "Yes." Q: "How many were boys?" A: "None." Q: "Were there any girls?" 11. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?" A: "Yes." Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?" 12. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon,didn't you? A: "I went to Europe, sir." Q: "And you took your new wife?" 13. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?" A: "By death." Q: "And by whose death was it terminated?" 14. Q: "Can you describe the individual?" A: "He was about medium height and had a beard." Q: "Was this a male or female?" 15. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?" A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work." 16. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?" A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people." 17. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?" A: "Oral." 18. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?" A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m." Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?" A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy." 19. Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?" A: "No." Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?" A: "No." Q: "Did you check for breathing?" A: "No." Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?" A: "No." Q: "How can you be so sure, doctor?" A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar." Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?" A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere." 20. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year. 21. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 22. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. 23. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. 24. Q: Where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. 25. Q: Sir, what is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think. ============================================ Sue: Hey Rocco, are you going to tell them about the... Rocco: Yes, sure. I was just about to do that. You are all invited to visit our website to watch the 6 minute "RealSlideshow" - with voice-over commentaryof our visit to Bali, Indonesia! http://www.webpastor.com/bali01.htm All you need is Basic Realplayer - which is downloadable FREE from that page too! No need to RSVP. Just come along when you're ready. Sue: Do they need to bring anything? Rocco: Well, a small donation could be made on the Mission and Support page [link below], if you'd like to help out! LOL http://www.webpastor.com/miss&supp.htm Cya'll next week. Rocco & Sue. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol 8 No 3 & 4 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Okay, okay! So we didn't get one out last week. We apologise and promise to make this one a really good edition. Of course, that is very subjective, but we will try! READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD Paul then stood up in the meeting of the Areopagus and said: "Men of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious. For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO AN UNKNOWN GOD. Now what you worship as something unknown I am going to proclaim to you. "The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands.And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. `For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, `We are his offspring.' "Therefore since we are God's offspring, we should not think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone--an image made by man's design and skill. In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent. For he has set a day when he will judge the world with justice by the man he has appointed. He has given proof of this to all men by raising him from the dead." Acts 17:22-31 (NIV) Athens at the time of Paul was very much like a major western city today: Multicultural, decadent and pluralistic religiously. In other words, almost anything was permissible. Paul, as an educated man, wanted desparately to share the good news of Jesus with the other thinkers of this great city, but there seemed no way to get through the "if it seems good to you..." attitude. Then, he found the altar to THE UNKNOWN GOD and declared that God indeed could be known, through the person of His Son Jesus, who died and rose precisely so that we could know HIM. For Jesus said: "Whoever has seen me has seen the Father." Sadly, the reaction of the philosophers of Athens was predictable. Hmmm... let's talk about this some other time ... NOT! Only a few seized the opportunity to know God. Why not do the same today?! TESTIMONY A sobbing little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it "was too crowded." "I can't go to Sunday School," she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by. Seeing her shabby, unkempt appearance, the pastor guessed the reason and, taking her by the hand, took her inside and found a place for her in the Sunday school class. The child was so touched that she went to bed that night thinking of the children who have no place to worship Jesus. Some two years later, this child lay dead in one of the poor tenement buildings and the parents called for the kind-hearted pastor, who had befriended their daughter, to handle the final arrangements. As her poor little body was being moved, a worn and crumpled purse was found which seemed to have been rummaged from some trash dump. Inside was found 57 cents and a note scribbled in childish handwriting which read: "This is to help build the little church bigger so more children can go to Sunday School. For two years she had saved for this offering of love. When the pastor tearfully read that note, he knew instantly what he would do. Carrying this note and the cracked, red pocketbook to the pulpit, he told the story of her unselfish love and devotion. He challenged his deacons to get busy and raise enough money for the larger building. But the story does not end there! A newspaper learned of the story and published it. It was read by a Realtor who offered them a parcel of land worth many thousands. When told that the church could not pay so much, he offered it for 57 cents. Church members made large donations. Checks came from far and wide. Within five years the little girl's gift had increased to $250,000.00 -- a huge sum for that time (near the turn of last century). Her unselfish love had paid large dividend. When you are in the city of Philadelphia, look up Temple Baptist Church, with a seating capacity of 3,300 and Temple University, where hundreds of students are trained. Have a look, too, at the Good Samaritan Hospital and at a Sunday School building which houses hundreds of Sunday Schoolers, so that no child in the area will ever need to be left outside during Sunday school time. In one of the rooms of this building may be seen the picture of the sweet face of the little girl whose 57 cents, so sacrificially saved, made such remarkable history. Alongside of it is a portrait of her kind pastor, Dr. Russel H. Conwell, author of the book, "Acres of Diamonds". --submitted by Jennie Graham PRAYER POINTS ***Praise God that He can be known. Thank Him that He sent Jesus to show us who he is and how we can know Him. ***Thank God for the many men women and children who make it their way of life to take the good news of the KNOWABLE GOD to others. Thank Him especially for those who we know personally. ***Pray for the Aid Workers arrested in Afghanistan, that they will be released. ***Continue to pray for Indonesia that the economic situation will improve under the new President. ***Pray for those countries hit by natural disasters. ***Pray for countries heading towards elections, including Australia. *** Pray for those in our netcommunity who have continuing health needs and family problems, esp Jan M. HAHAHA CORNER ***Walking through the jungle, an anthropologist came across a native beating a drum. "Why are you doing that?" he asked "Because we have no water," replied the native. "I see!" said the anthropologist. "You're praying for rain!" "No," said the native," I'm sending for the plumber." --Anon. ***Two sheep were talking in a field. "Baaaa!" said the first. "Darn," said the second," I was going to say that!." --Anon. ***Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married? A. Ruthless Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet. Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord. Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down. Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home. Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once. Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing. Q. Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible? A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep. Q. Which Bible character had no parents? A. Joshua, son of Nun. ---submitted by Jennie Graham ***Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a church school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. A teacher had made a note, "Take only one, God is watching." Moving through the line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A boy wrote a note, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples." --submitted by Gregson M. *** BE SURE YOUR SIN WILL FIND YOU OUT! Here's an interesting list of persons who were convinced that their sins were hidden: * The thief was sure that the church was a safe hideout. Just inside he spied a rope hanging. Up he climbed, only to hear the church bell ring out his location. * In Mexico City a man snatched a woman's purse and dashed into a doorway to hide. It turned out to be the door of a police station. * Shoplifting in a department store in Rochester, NY a man picked up an alarm clock and headed for the nearest exit. The clock, hidden under his coat, went off before he could get out to the store. * A lineman for a professional football team often stayed out late, despite the club's curfew. He would pile things under his blankets, making it appear he was in bed. At one hotel, however, he couldn't find enough things to stuff the bed with, so he stuck a floor lamp under the covers and left. When a suspicious coach peeked in at 1 a.m. and snapped on the light switch, the bed lit up. ---submitted by Pat C ============================================= Sue: Rocco, I guess you could say with that last one that the lights were on but no one was home! Rocco: +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] CoGS Weekly Hits! 2001 Vol 8 No 3 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear Hitsters, Greetings here from windy Australia. We have gale force winds threatening to lift roofs, causing havoc throughout Eastern Australia, and dumping snow on the mountains to the south and west of us. The good news is that it is actually warming up, telling us that spring is on the way! A bit like waiting for the Lord's return amongst the chaos of this world, isn't it? READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do--living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. They think it strange that you do not plunge with them into the same flood of dissipation, and they heap abuse on you. But they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. For this is the reason the gospel was preached even to those who are now dead, so that they might be judged according to men in regard to the body, but live according to God in regard to the spirit. The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. 1 Peter 4: 1-7 (NIV) I remember when I was growing up that a phone call came through for my mother. She whispered from behind me: "Tell them I'm not here." As a young Christian I knew that telling even such a small lie was wrong, so I told the caller that mum was not available and could I take a message. My mother was furious! Just as Peter writes in his letter, she thought it was strange that I did not want to operate by the normal standards of worldly behaviour. Ok, it would have been just a little lie (by the world's standards) but in God's eyes, it is a falling short of His standards; it is rebellion; it is sin. We are all faced every day with decisions in the workplace, whether we are truck drivers, office workers, entertainers, teenagers, mums and dads, or even ministers. When we stand for God, we will be laughed at at best, spat at at worst. What we have to do is firstly look back to what Jesus did: he died for us. He stood clearly against the world in its ungodliness and even at his trial, did not lie. Then we have to look forward to His coming. On that day, each of us will give account of what we did with what we were given. There will be no excuses such as "I was just following orders" or "Everyone was doing it" or "I would have lost my job". Jesus will ask each of us: "What did you think of me? How important was I in your life? Did it make a difference to you that others were dying and dead in their sins and needed your witness to tell them there was another way to live?" Let's all think about those questions today. --Sue INSPIRATION What is the shortest chapter in the Bible? Answer - Psalms 117 What is the longest chapter in the Bible? Answer - Psalms 119 Which chapter is in the center of the Bible? Answer - Psalms 118 Fact: There are 594 chapters before Psalms 118 Fact: There are 594 chapters after Psalms 118 Add these numbers up and you get 1188 What is the center verse in the Bible? Answer - Psalms 118:8 Does this verse say something significant about God's perfect will for our lives? The next time someone says they would like to find God's perfect will for their lives and that they want to be in the center of His will,just send them to the center of His Word! Psalms 118:8 (NKJV) "It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man." Now isn't that odd how this worked out (or was God in the center of it)? --submitted by Gregson M PRAYER POINTS --Thank God that His will is so clear: for us to be holy! --Praise God that He changes his standards for no one! --Thank Him that Jesus has paid with his life for our shortcomings and that we can rely on his death on the day of Judgement. --Ask Him for forgiveness for the many times we have fallen and pray for His Holy Spirit to give us strength and wisdom in times of decision. --Keep praying for the aid workers in Afghanistan that they may be freed. --Thank God for promising words from the new Indonesian president regarding oppression in the outlying provinces. --Pray for all our leaders, especially in those countries heading for the polls. --Pray for countries such as the USA struck by terrible heat spells and forest fires, and for other nations hit by floods or other natural disasters. --Pray for countries where law has broken down or disease has hit the population badly, especially the African nations with AIDS. HAHAHA CORNER ***Weird News: An October New York Times dispatch from India highlighted the growing problem of intra-family frauds in which one member will claim a living relative's land or wealth by swearing to the government that the relative is dead. An advocacy group, the Association of Dead People, helps aggrieved citizens figure out just how to prove that they are indeed alive, which can be a difficult concept for India's bargelike bureaucracies to accept. The association's founder said he remained officially dead even after he ran for office, filed lawsuits and got arrested just to get his name on public records. --Anon. ***The Human Resources Interview At the end of a job interview, the human resources manager asked a young engineer, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" To which the engineer replied, "About $125,000 a year, depending on your benefits package." The interviewer replied, "Well, what would you say to a package of five-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental insurance, a company matching retirement fund up to 50 percent of your salary and a company car leased every two years, say a red Corvette?" The recent college grad sat up in amazement. "Wow, are you kidding?" he asked. "Yeah," the interviewer replied, "but you started it." --Anon. ***Medical Abbreviations Memo from a Leading US Hospital" "It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following. Cardiac patients should not be referred to with MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again). Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state. Trauma patients are not FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch)or "hamburger helper." Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome." HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms." Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted." Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants." The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen", nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge". And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), or NLPR (no long playing records). I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper, narratives and log entries." --Definitely Anon! [--Ed.: Who would admit to sending that? LOL!] ============================================= Oh well, I suppose it's BBFN (Bye Bye for Now) from Rocco and Sue. UNW! (Now you can all work that one out, right? LOL!) ============================================= Subject: [Hits] Webpastor Weekly Hits! 2001 Vol 8 No 4 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear NetFamily, Wonder how you all are this week? If you'd like to drop us a line, please do. We'd love to hear from you. We did get some great jokes and inspirational stories from several of you this week. It's such a beautiful thing to be able to share these important things with our brothers and sisters, isn't it? READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. Psalm 63:1-5 (NIV) Have you ever felt that you don't belong in this world? That its values and behaviour are so antagonistic to all you believe that you might as well be an alien dropped here? Chances are, if you are a follower of Jesus, you often feel like this, because you do not belong to this world. David knew it. He had glimpsed heaven and now the whole world reminded him of the dry desert of Israel, when compared to the riches awaiting David. He longed to be there in the presence of God, but he knew he had a job to do on earth while he lived. The Psalm ends with David vowing to defend God's name and to use his position to do it. How about us? We have time; we have position too. What are we doing with them while we are waiting to be picked up off the planet? INSPIRATIONAL STORY "When I worked at the American University Hospital, in West Beirut, during the Lebanese civil war, shells often whizzed over our heads. Minutes later, a salvo would be returned in the opposite direction, and the first casualties would be rushed into emergency. We usually had no idea why the shelling had started, nor why it stopped." "Being a Christian in the scientific community is somewhat analogous. Now and again, some Texan creationist lobby will make a fresh attempt to ban the teaching of evolution in schools. Amid scientific howls of protest, Professor X writes another book claiming that science supports an atheistic worldview. As the shells are lobbed between the extremist camps, the public impression that science and religion are at loggerheads is reinforced." "Meanwhile, the silent majority - those many scientists who hold to religious faith - look on in wonder. Generally, we are simply too busy to engage in such debates. In my case, however, I got so fed up with the antics of the extremists that I ended up writing a book - Rebuilding The Matrix: Science And Faith In The 21st Century (published this weekend)." "The fact of the matter is that when it comes to religious faith, scientific communities reflect the societies in which they are embedded - as for nearly a century, 40% of American scientists believe in a personal God who answers prayer. The level of belief is highest among practitioners of the hard sciences, such as physics and geology, lower for the soft sciences, such as anthropology. The UK has organisations such as Christians in Science, and UK church attendance among science students is proportionally much higher than for the arts. There appears to be a selection pressure operating here: people interested in science are more likely to become Christians, and/or Christians are more likely to study science than the arts." "Those who have studied the history and philosophy of science will not find this surprising. Modern science was incubated in a theological womb, emerging in a form recognisable by today's scientists during the 16th and 17th centuries, an era when new ideas failed to flourish unless theologically validated. Many founders of today's scientific disciplines - Kepler, Galileo, Boyle, Ray, Newton, Priestley, Maxwell and Faraday - drew attention to fruitful interactions between their science and their faith." "The idea that science and religion were historically always at loggerheads - the so-called conflict thesis - became popular during the late 19th century, but is no longer considered a valid, overarching model for the history of science-faith interactions... Unlike their colleagues in the humanities, scientists remain firmly wedded to the idea that some things are right, whereas others are wrong. No scientist would sweat long hours in the laboratory for low pay unless they believed that their hard-earned results reflected a reality that was built into the properties of matter. The reality remains the same, irrespective of the language or cultural milieu in which it is described." Dr Denis Alexander, Chairman of the Molecular Immunology Programme at the Babraham Institute, and a fellow of St Edmund's College, Cambridge,edits the journal Science and Christian Belief. Extract from "Science In Search of God" Friday August 24 2001 The Guardian PRAYER POINTS ***Thank God for the place and time in which He has put us, that we have the Holy Bible to tell us about Him and how to know Him personally. ***Praise Him for His great act of sending Jesus, His Son, to pay for our sins and give us a glimpse of the riches of heaven. ***Pray that God will shake us up every day so that our values and those of the world around us do not fuse. ***Pray that He will use us to spread the Good News of salvation to all we meet, either in the physical world or "out there" in cyberspace. ***One of our new Netfamily has asked us to pray for a little "seven year old who's lost her dad recently. Mum had left Dad prior to his death. The little girl is carrying a lot of guilt." ***Pray for Mark and Lynn D with their daughters Astrid and Amelia who have recently moved back to Western Australia. God is calling them to full- time ordained ministry, but for now they need your prayers for resettling and finding a new spiritual home. ***Pray for the Middle East as trouble flares again and people get caught in the crossfire. ***Pray for Australia as it copes with increasing numbers of illegal immigrants arriving by boat. ***Praise God that Indonesia is showing signs of settling down. Pray that the new President will fulfil her promises of protecting all her people. HAHAHA CORNER *** Quick Wit: George: "I just got a new set of golf clubs for my wife!" John: "Great trade!" ---submitted by Jennie G *** Office Slogan The head of a small industrial company posted "Do it now!" signs all around his office and plant in hopes of getting better results from his workers. Some weeks later, when asked why he was removing the slogans, he said, "It worked too well. The bookkeeper skipped with $20,000; the chief clerk eloped with the best secretary I've ever had; three salesmen asked for raises; and the workers in the factory joined the union and are out on strike." ---Anon. *** MOMMY'S LITTLE ANGEL An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said,"Well, I'll just run in and out, and in and out, and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'" ***A STORMY RELATIONSHIP One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't" she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy." ---Anon. ***LOSING FACE Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground. Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned." ---Anon. =============================================== Sue: "Rocco, I could have said 'that explains a lot'. But I've just decided that I won't... Rocco: "Yeah ... and I could have answered: 'You just did!' ... but I've just decided that I won't either..." Sue & Rocco: [together] "What a coincidence!" LOL! Until next week folks! Rocco and Sue. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] Webpastor Weekly Hits! 2001 Vol 9 No 1 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear Netsters, The non-ratings period is about to begin on Australian television. It's about that time that you begin to see ads for shows you have seen over and over again and shows that were clearly "flops" overseas but were bought up cheaply by the networks. It's a good thing that the weather is getting warmer, because that means we can turn "the box" off and just go outside! READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD The words of the Teacher,son of David, king in Jerusalem: "Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless." What does man gain from all his labor at which he toils under the sun? Generations come and generations go, but the earth remains forever. The sun rises and the sun sets, and hurries back to where it rises. The wind blows to the south and turns to the north; round and round it goes, ever returning on its course. All streams flow into the sea, yet the sea is never full. To the place the streams come from, there they return again. All things are wearisome, more than one can say. The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing. What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. Is there anything of which one can say, "Look! This is something new"? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time. Ecclesiastes 1:1-10 (NIV) Have you ever felt the way the Teacher does in the first chapter of Ecclesiastes? You get up, go to work, come home, go to sleep, and then wake to do the whole thing again... and again... and again. Why on earth do we exist, asks the Teacher? What is the purpose of it? It just seems like an endless grind, a meaningless existence, a "... chasing after the wind." The Teacher, who appears to be King Solomon from the evidence, was a person after our own hearts. He had the good things in life: comfortable housing, family, a job, education and yet he was not satisfied. There was a pit in his life into which he just kept shovelling new experiences in the hope that somewhere sometime he would find some satisfaction, some answers to life's questions. But the pit never seemed to fill, no matter how fast he worked, no matter how he indulged his senses, no matter where he went or with whom. Sounds depressing, doesn't it? It was and is. Now, "how does the story end?" you might ask. Did he find his answers? Or did he keep searching until he shuffled off this mortal coil a lonely, unfulfilled individual? The answers are yes... and no. Yes, he found the answer, and no, he died fulfilled. He gives us the answer in the 12th chapter of the book: "Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach ...." Start young at establishing a vibrant relationship with God. It IS possible, through the death and resurrection of Jesus. Consider this... and today could be Day 1 of your new existence. TESTIMONY "I was devastated when, as a student at Berkeley, I realized that I was not as intelligent as I thought. I was a top student at high school. At college, I was average. I used to believe that school was far more important than family, friends, people, and my own life. When I was at the bottom of my life, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I gave my testimony about my bitter life to every brother in a circle that I study a lot but my parents were disappointed in me when I did not make it to MIT or Harvard. After I accepted Jesus Christ, I gave up my pride and wanted to share my faith with my friend, but he had killed himself. I would have done the same if it had not been for Jesus. "All is vanity and grasping for the wind." Ecclesiastes 2:17" --Joseph Y. Lee. PRAYER POINTS ***Thank God that He has provided the means of a fulfilling life-relationship with Him through Jesus. ***Pray for those who have not yet taken God up on this wonderful offer of completeness. ***Thank Jesus that He was willing to give His life so that we might live. ***Pray for the world's trouble spots, the Middle East, Macedonia, Africa that permanent peaceful solutions may be found for the sake of all residents. ***Pray for the world's refugees that they might find safe havens. ***Pray for Mark and Lynn D and their girls as they resettle in Western Australia. Praise God for signs of finding their feet. ***Pray for those considering big changes in their lives, that they might be clearly guided by God. ***Pray for those who are unwell, especially our brother Hoyat G, who has been in hospital with serious health problems. Pray for young Steven A as he faces an operation on his knee on Tuesday and possible reconstruction. Also for Noel O as he continues to have painful back problems and for Rose T as she battles asthma. Also lift up Wayne S recovering from shingles. ***Pray for Australia as it experiences sporadic outbreaks of meningococcal disease at this time of year, especially for the families of those affected by it. HAHAHA CORNER ***August 29: On this day in... 29 (according to tradition): John the Baptist was beheaded on orders of King Herod, who was acting at the request of Salome (inventor of the veiled threat.) ---submitted by Hans T. ***A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said." All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer." --submitted by Jennie G ================================================= And that's all 4 another week! Bye for now! Rocco and Sue. ================================================= Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol 9 No 2 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Hi everyone, And a special welcome to all our new subscribers. We like to think of ourselves as a 'net community, so feel free to send testimonies, prayer points and jokes to us. READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and gave her to Jacob, and Jacob lay with her. And Laban gave his servant girl Zilpah to his daughter as her maidservant. When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, "What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn't I? Why have you deceived me?" Laban replied, "It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. Finish this daughter's bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work." And Jacob did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. Laban gave his servant girl Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her maidservant. Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years. Genesis 29:22-30 (NIV) Comedians have said that the definitions of polygamy and monogamy are the same: having one wife too many! Be that as it may, the fact that Jacob had two wives is not the cause of all the trouble. It was one symptom of a bigger problem: sin. Rebellion against God and His will for humans. Jesus said that from the beginning God intended a one man/one woman relationship. That perfect pairing ended when Adam and Eve thought they could do better than God in running the world. What came from that rebellion was the most dysfunctional family on the face of this earth: the human race. And Jacob's immediate relatives show all the inherited traits of their ancestors. They lie, they cheat, they manipulate, they steal, they usurp, they mock, they beat and they kill... their own flesh and blood. Looking at this in isolation from the rest of Scripture, we might despair of any good coming from them. Yet they were the line that eventually produced Jesus, who, by His death, reversed the curse. He paid for all the disobedience to God's will with His own pure blood, and rose from the dead to show His power over even the grave. INSPIRATIONAL ANECDOTE ANGEL'S ARCHIVES AUGUST 25, 2001 THE TELEGRAPH Back when the telegraph was the fastest method of long-distance communication, a young man applied for a job as a Morse Code operator. Answering an ad in the newspaper, he went to the office address that was listed. When he arrived, he entered a large, busy office filled with noise and clatter, including the sound of the telegraph in the background. A sign on the receptionist's counter instructed job applicants to fill out a form and wait until they were summoned to enter the inner office. The young man filled out his form and sat down with the seven other applicants in the waiting area. After a few minutes, the young man stood up, crossed the room to the door of the inner office, and walked right in. Naturally the other applicants perked up, wondering what was going on. They muttered among themselves that they hadn't heard any summons yet. They assumed that the young man who went into the office made a mistake and would be disqualified. Within a few minutes, however, the employer escorted the young man out of the office and said to the other applicants, "Gentlemen, thank you very much for coming, but the job has just been filled." The other applicants began grumbling to each other, and one spoke up saying, "Wait a minute, I don't understand. He was the last to come in, and we never even got a chance to be interviewed. Yet he got the job. That's not fair!" The employer said, "I'm sorry, but the last several minutes while you've been sitting here, the telegraph has been ticking out the following message in Morse Code: 'If you understand this message, then come right in. The job is yours.' None of you heard it or understood it. This young man did. The job is his." We are so busy living in a world that is full of noise and clatter, like that office. People are distracted and unable to hear the still, small voice of God as He speaks in creation, in the Scriptures, and in the life and work of Jesus Christ. So I ask you, as I ask myself, "Are you listening, or are you waiting to be called? Do you hear the Lord when he speaks to you? PRAYER POINTS ***Thank God that He did not end the story with our sin, but with Jesus' righteousness. ***Praise Him for His great love that breaks through all barriers and reverses the curse of sin. ***Thank God for reported recovery for our brother Wayne S (shingles) and for good news regarding the knee of Steven A (no need for reconstruction). Keep Noel O, Rose T and Hoyat G in your prayers. ***Pray for justice in countries experiencing civil war, so that there might be no reason for people to flee their countries. Pray also for the millions who live in refugee camps and risk their lives trying to escape misery. ***Thank God for good news from Mark and Lynn D, that they are settling in well. Pray for little Amelia as she has experienced some breathing problems lately. ***Praise God for peaceful elections in East Timor. Keep this newborn nation in your prayers. Also Fiji. HAHAHA CORNER *** Morning Hun An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me". "Why not," he asks. She answers back, "Because I'm dead." The husband says to her, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another." The wife says, "No, I'm definitely dead." Her husband insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?" His wife answers, "I know I'm dead, because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts." ---submitted by Pat C ***Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks. Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee." The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?" "Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard." ---Anon. ***Real Estate Ad Phrases (What They Really Mean) CHARMING - Tiny. Snow White might fit, but five of the dwarfs would have to find their own place. See "Cute," "Enchanting," and "Good Starter Home." MUCH POTENTIAL - Grim. Steer clear unless you have a lot of money and believe your blind dates really did have nice personalities. See "Ready to Rehab," and "Fixer Upper." UNIQUE CITY HOME - Used to be a warehouse. HI-TECH/CONTEMPORARY - Lots of steel shelving with little holes - the kind your dad used to store tools on in the basement. DARING DESIGN - Still a warehouse. COMPLETELY UPDATED - Avocado dishwasher and harvest gold carpeting or vice versa. SOPHISTICATED - Black walls and no windows. See "Architect's Delight." ONE-OF-A-KIND - Ugly as sin. BRILLIANT CONCEPT - Do you really need a two-story live oak in your 30-foot sky dome? See "Makes Dramatic Statement." UPPER BRACKET - If you have to ask . . . YOU'LL LOVE IT - No, you won't. MUST SEE TO BELIEVE - An absolutely accurate statement. ---Anon. ***THE REASONS WHY IT'S GREAT TO BE A GIRL You can cry without pretending there's something in your contact. If you're a lousy athlete, you don't have to question your worth as a human being. A new lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life. If you're not making enough money, you can blame the glass ceiling. When you take off your shoes, nobody passes out. If the person you're dating is much better at something than you are, you don't have to break up with him. If you think the person your dating really likes you, you don't have to break up with him. You can dress yourself. Your hair is yours to keep. You don't have to pretend to like cigars. You'll never have to blow 2 months salary on anything. If you marry someone 20 years younger, you know you look like an idiot. You're rarely compelled to scream at the TV. Sitting and watching people is all the entertainment you need. Your friend won't think you're weird when you ask if there's spinach in your teeth. When you get a million catalogues in the mail, it's a good thing. Sometimes, chocolate truly can solve all your problems. If you're under 6 feet, you don't have to lie about it. You'll never regret piercing your ears. You can fully assess someone just by looking at his or her shoes. You can tell which glass was yours by the lipstick mark. If you have big ears, no one has to know. You can be attracted to someone just because they're really funny. You can borrow your spouse's clothes and no one thinks that's strange. --submitted by Chris F ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Sue: "Rocco, I know another reason it's good to be a girl." Rocco: I'm almost afraid to ask ... so what is it? Sue: I can marry someone like you, my love. Rocco: [thinks] Hmmm... I sense there could there be a garage sale on today somewhere nearby? [says] "Oh Sue, that's cute!" You'll just have to wait to find out... next week! ============================================ Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR Weekly Hits! 2001 Vol 9 No 2 Special Edition Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear Netbrothers and Netsisters, The world is in shock at the horrible carnage inflicted upon civilians on the American mainland by cowardlt terrorists. War has certainly changed in the 21st century. And in tragic times such as this people ask: "Where is God in all this?" Remember the words of St Paul at this time: What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died --more than that, who was raised to life--is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8: 31-40 (NIV) Friends, these people can harm the body but they cannot harm the soul. Jesus has already won the victory and the unrepentant will condemned to the pit with their master. There will be post traumatic stress. Be patient with yourselves and with others. It may take a long long time to get back to any degree of "normal", but it will happen. In the meantime, watch out for each other for rollercoaster emotions: disbelief, anger, guilt (why was X taken and not I?; how come I survived? why do I feel relieved or happy when others are suffering), unbelievable sadness and giddy happiness (usually followed by the guilts). These things are normal reactions to tragic happennings has and should be accepted as normal, not fought against or denied. But if things begin to feel out of control, please get help. We cannot get through even day to day difficulties alone, so we cannot expect to get through this horror alone. Even people not directly involved, who have watched the events on TV might feel these emotions. We in Australia are devastated and in shock. We cannot imagine how much worse it is to be in America at this time, and even worse still to have been close to this. Please tell others that there are many people on the net who are willing to lend an ear when times get rough. Just to type out one's feelings can help. We at Webpastor.com are prepared to listen and will continue to pray at this time. Feel free to post our email addy at your work and tell people we will answer their emails. Blessings. The words "Do not fear" appear 365 times in the Bible. One for every day of the year. That is no accident. ====================================================== Here are some words from our friends in the USA: IN MEMORY OF THE VICTIMS... WHOSE LIVES WERE TAKEN AWAY IN THE TERROR ATTACKS YESTERDAY....... -FCDFY R.: It was comforting to see your name in my unopened mail list this morning. Since I work in the city, our building, as well as most buildings, were evacuated due to potential threat. Because I'm on the 43RD floor, I ask you to pray that God would divert would-be terrorists from us and just keep us safe. Another prayer request is deliverance from fear and post traumatic stress disorder. The latter seems to be where my emotions lie and I know many others feel the same. D.: We have always felt invincible - this has certainly knocked our feet out from under us. However, the same thing happened in 1941 and we rallied. I just don't believe this is over. My sister lives in Washington DC - so it was a long day for my family. She is ok but terrified. They tried to evacuate, but couldn't get out of the city because of the traffic. Ry.: It is very horrid that this has happened to our nation, but I am sure that we will be able to bind together to create our "united" nation that we once had. The chaos is astounding, but it has not hit me yet how terrible this whole situation really is. I will be sure and type more if I need somebody to talk to. J.: I have been watching TV all day. I have to keep reminding myself that this is New York City USA, and not a far off land where people speak a different language and have different customs. I've toured the World Trade Center and was up on the observation deck enjoying the beautiful scenery. I can't believe that those 2 mammoth buildings are destroyed to rubble. But then again I have to remind myself of what it says in the Bible, that what the devil made for evil the Lord worked it for good. Continue to keep the USA in your prayers as you have been. In the coming days we'll hear of the horrific stories and the countless fatalities as USA tries to sort out this tragedy. Ji.: Mere words cannot begin to express how devastated everyone in the world is on this day of attack in America. May the grace and strength of God fortify everyone of us in this small world to come to the aid of those most impacted by this horrific event. Cl: This is a day of profund sadness, shock, and grief for many of us. There is really no time to allow the anger to burst out. At 4:30 pm here in Memphis, I have been dealing with many people through the day. Almost everyone is numb from all that has happened, and is still happening. It is almost as if we are in a nuclear disaster zone. From people who had loved ones and colleagues in the buildings this morning to those less personally affected, we are working with just how we can best respond in relief efforts, soup kitchens for stranded passengers (1100 miles away at this point), and the impact on the people with whom we are involved. Several dozen prayer services are being held in our area both today and through the evening. Fortunately, I am involved with a number of Christian colleagues. Our common faith seems to underlie the way we are approaching the responsibilities mandated upon us and the opportunities becoming available. I am thankful for the Lord's care and the Spirit presence in the midst of all this. The expressions of care and support, especially from friends and colleagues in the international community, are gratefully received and sincerely appreciated. The events of today are an attack not just on America, but upon all people who hold to principles of freedom and human dignity. I am not a Jingoist in any sense, but I am sensing this happening as an evil, demonic attempt from the powers of darkness upon all that is good and holy. I have thought of you during the day, and knew you would be thinking of us. This is a time for all of us in your worldwide network to join in a common concern for our Lord to demonstrate the majesty of Grace in creation and to work mighty wonders in the midst of chaos. A.: Only God knows how to solve the situation and I pray that those who are responsable will see His love. I feel sorry for those who died and were responsible for this and who did not know Him! Today, at campus at the University of Alabama, we have come together to support each other and have prayed together. B.: I am city fire marshal, very tired ... very sad, very angry ... 300+ firefighters feared dead.... firemarshal in New York...been a truly tragic day... sometimes feels like we are alone, but am also a Vietnam vet so have seen real bad stuff before. Ch.: We need all the prayers and thoughts that u can give.....i just hear that people are calling out on their cell phones from world trade center and are alive ...i own a daycare in the school for kids before and after school..then i am a teacher asst. in kdg. DJ.: I think this has affected each and every American... either they knew someone who worked there.. someone who was just there.. or they knew someone who was on one of the planes... I don't understand how some people think or reason.. but,... I guess they thought it was worth it... a glorious death.. or something... I just don't understand. Di: it's horrible what happened today and i'm only afraid to think about what is next. N.:.we as a country are strong and will unite together to over come what has happened.......... but we are a people who need to turn this country back to God and his principles......... Ro.: hope they find out who done this so they can't strike again on other countries or us again...God will take care of all of us. If they aren't caught he will take care of it in the end... just have to be with the families of the victims and pray for them ....words are hard to explain why some plp would do something to any one ======================================================= To all of you who have suffered, our heartfelt sympathy. Let us continue to lift up in prayer all the families and friends of the victims and the American nation as a whole in their profound grief. Rocco and Sue. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol.9 No.3 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear NetFamily, We thank you on behalf of those who are in the thick of the tragedy, for your messages and prayers. Keep them coming in. There are those who receive these Hits! who have family in hospitals or who were present at the scene when the planes hit and so are scarred emotionally. So where from here? READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD You have heard that it was said, "Love your neighbour and hate your enemy." But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." Matthew 5:43-48 (NIV) This passage gets the back up of many people, especially in the wake of a tragedy such as we have witnessed in the USA. Are we just expected to roll over to let the tyrants of this world get away with their evil? Jesus is not saying this. He is providing a new dynamic to deal more effectively with evil. No more are we to be involved in "tit for tat" warfare, with the ante being upped each time. We are to stop evil in its tracks by saying: "I will not do evil to you just because you did it to me. I will find ways to serve you and love you. When you scowl at me, I will smile at you. When you say bad things about me, I will bless you. When you curse me, I will pray for you." The Apostle Paul, commenting on this teaching, quotes Proverbs 25:21,22, which says that if you act towards your enemy in this way "you will heap burning coals on his head." Strange words, but what it is saying is that they will bring judgement upon themselves in their reaction to our positive action. So, the question to ask ourselves is: "How could this best be done, under these circumstances?" TESTIMONY In the wake of the tragedy, Brother Lucas Rocha of Dallas Texas asked his 5th class boys to write either a prayer to God, or a letter of encouragement to the emergency personnel working at the sites. Here are some excerpts from their letters. Be encouraged by them: ***Dear God. A terrible event has occurred in America. I ask you to please bless all of the brave men and women in the Fire and Police departments. Also, bless the innocent victims that were in the building, on the plane or in the streets. Please comfort all the grieving families and friends of the people who died. Even bless the terrorists, who committed this horrible deed, to change them into better people. Amen ---Paul DiFiore ***Dear Lord, Help all the families who have lost a loved one in this tragic act of war find joy again... Be with all the people who have almost had their lives taken and those who are hurt, burned and homeless. Help the terrorists turn their lives around and strive to follow you. Let them have another chance to believe in You and want peace throughout the world. I ask this in your Holy Name. Amen. ---Drew Albert ***Dear Fireman (or Firewoman) This entire Nation owes you a debt of gratitude for our deeds. New York City is shaken by the terrorist attack this week. Still, you are trying to uncover missing World Trade Center ex-occupants and workers from the Pentagon. Though you know that other buildings around you are in danger of collapsing, you are not leaving the "scene of the crime" to leave people missing. "Even though I walk through the Valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil for you are with me." Psalm 23 --Thank you, Carson Chapman ***Dear Lord, ...Please think of those who committed the crime. Please also help those who lost their loved ones. Help the fire men and women find people who are still alive under the rubble. Please help the people who committed the crimes to think over what they have caused to happen. --Trey Campbell PRAYER POINTS ***Thank God that He is a God of action and can turn cursing to blessing. ***Thank Him for the great gift of salvation through the death of His Son Jesus. Ask Him to help us spread the Good News to all we meet. ***Help us to pray for the conversion of those who have perpetrated the great evils we have seen. ***Pray for the leaders of the world that they act out of justice and with the wisdom of God, in order to bring about an end to terrorism. ***Pray for those of our Netfamily who were closely linked to the disaster: Barry B (niece in the WTC; in hospital); Anthony S (friend and client one of the Australians on board the planes); Barbara in AZ (daughter in the Pentagon at the time of the strike), Joanne B (close friend working in NY narrowly misses out on being under the WTC in the subway). ***Pray also for those of Middle Eastern background round the world, who are being unjustly blamed for the actions of a militant few. ***Pray for each other that we can reach out in love to all people we meet, so that lives may be changed. ***Pray for those affected by the economic ramifications of the strike (United Airlines; American Airlines; Boeing) and for large companies in financial troubles: Ansett Airlines (Aust), Pasminco (Aust). Help us to do what we can to help those who are suffering. ***Remember to pray for all those who are unwell. HAHAHA CORNER (Laughter is a good source of healing, brothers and sisters. Let us encourage each other to laugh even in these times of tension.) ***NOTICE IN AN OFFICE This department requires no physical fitness program! Everyone here gets enough exercise Jumping to conclusions! Going around in circles! Flying off the handle! Carrying things too far! Dodging responsibilities! And Pushing their luck! ---Anon. ***LIFE'S LESSONS *Some people are like blisters. They don't show up until the work is done. *A true friend is one that lets his grass grow as tall as his neighbor's. *A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers. *If you don't know where you're going, you're never lost. *Experience is a wonderful thing: it enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. *Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. *The real reason you can't take it with you is that it goes before you do. *Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it. *Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were. *A closed mouth gathers no feet. *A man (or woman) who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on. *A modern pioneer is a woman who can get through a rainy Saturday with her television on the blink. *The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them. *Money isn't everything... there's credit cards, money orders, travelers checks and online banking! ---Anon. ***A MODERN FAIRY TALE Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the lap of the princess and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil fairy cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so". That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauted frog legs, seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought: 'I don't think so'. ---Anon. ==================================================== Now before we get complaints from all the "Preserve the Frog" societies, ponder this ethical conundrum: "What DO you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?" hehehe... Until next week! Rocco and Sue. ==================================================== Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol. 9 No.3a - Supplement Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: "DO IT AGAIN, LORD!" by Max Lucado Dear Lord: We're still hoping we'll wake up. We're still hoping we'll open a sleepy eye and think, "What a horrible dream." But we won't, will we, Father? What we saw was not a dream. Planes did gouge towers. Flames did consume our fortress. People did perish. It was no dream and, dear Father, we are sad. There is a ballet dancer who will no longer dance and a doctor who will no longer heal. A church has lost her priest, a classroom is minus a teacher. Cora ran a food pantry. Paige was a counselor and Dana, dearest Father, Dana was only three years old. (Who held her in those final moments?) We are sad, Father. For as the innocent are buried, our innocence is buried as well. We thought we were safe. Perhaps we should have known better. But we didn't. And so we come to you. We don't ask you for help; we beg you for it. We don't request it; we implore it. We know what you can do. We've read the accounts. We've pondered the stories and now we plead, "Do it again, Lord. Do it again." Remember Joseph? You rescued him from the pit. You can do the same for us. Do it again, Lord. Remember the Hebrews in Egypt? You protected their children from the angel of death. We have children too, Lord. Do it again. And Sarah? Remember her prayers? You heard them. Joshua? Remember his fears? You inspired him. The women at the tomb? You resurrected their hope. The doubts of Thomas? You took them away. Do it again, Lord. Do it again. You changed Daniel from a captive into a king's counselor. You took Peter the fisherman and made him Peter an apostle. Because of you, David went from leading sheep to leading armies. Do it again, Lord, for we need counselors today, Lord. We need apostles. We need leaders. Do it again, dear Lord. Most of all, do again what you did at Calvary. What we saw here last Tuesday, you saw there that Friday. Innocence slaughtered. Goodness murdered. Mothers weeping. Evil dancing. Just as the smoke eclipsed our morning, so the darkness fell on your Son. Just as our towers were shattered, the very Tower of Eternity was pierced. And by dusk, heaven's sweetest song was silent, buried behind a rock. But you did not waver, O Lord. You did not waver. After three days in a dark hole, you rolled the rock and rumbled the earth and turned the darkest Friday into the brightest Sunday. Do it again, Lord. Grant us a September Easter. We thank you, dear Father, for these hours of unity. Christians are praying with Jews. Republicans are standing with Democrats. Skin colors have been covered by the ash of burning buildings. We thank you for these hours of unity. And we thank you for these hours of prayer. The enemy sought to bring us to our knees and succeeded. He had no idea, however, that we would kneel before you. And he has no idea what you can do. Let your mercy be upon our President, Vice President, and their families. Grant to those who lead us wisdom beyond their years and experience. Have mercy upon the souls who have departed and the wounded who remain. Give us grace that we might forgive and faith that we might believe. And look kindly upon your church. For two thousand years you've used her to heal a hurting world. Do it again, Lord. Do it again! Through Christ, Amen. Upwords, Max Lucado Ministries: http://www.maxlucado.com/ "As written by Max Lucado for 'America Prays,' a national prayer vigil held Saturday, September 14, 2001. Permission to copy not only granted but encouraged." ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol. 10 No.1 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear Netsters, Being in ministry means that no two weeks are the same and last week was one of the least same weeks, if that makes sense! Hope yours was interesting too! READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean. If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men. Romans 14: 13-18 (NIV) There are some important things to take in before we consider this passage. Firstly, the passage is addressed to Christians, brothers and sisters in the faith. It refers to how they should relate to each other. The judgment the passage talks about is not whether a person outside the faith ought to behave in a certain way, but concerns how a Christian should live. Paul, through whom God is speaking,is not saying that Christians ought not to judge point blank. There are many things that a Christian can make a judgmental statement on. The Scriptures clearly say: do not murder, do not steal, do not commit adultery. On these clearly defined things we can judge. But when it comes to the less clearly defined actions, love becomes the rule. The Bible does not talk about whether a Christian should smoke or attend sporting events or indeed many of the things some Christians might do in the year 2001, but there are certain principles that are laid out. If one Christian feels that it is okay to have a glass of wine with a meal, and another is totally against alcohol, then the one should serve the other in love. It would be unloving to pull out a bottle of wine at the table, knowing that this would hurt a brother. On the other hand, the Christian who feels he cannot drink at all must not judge the one who has a drink with his meal at home, for that would be unloving too. Nor must he put motives into the actions of another Christian, for only God can judge the hearts of his people. Sadly, churches see terrible fights over the "right" day of the week to worship (as if there is only one "right" day... we should worship in the Spirit continually) or the "right" way to dress, the "right" habits to follow, the "right" foods to eat, the "right" music to sing and how often to take communion. There is no better time than now to look at the rule of love between believers and see how we can apply it to the differences between us. There is the real challenge for us all! TESTIMONY 1 Peter 5:7. "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." I once suffered from schizophrenia, a mental illness, where I used to imagine falling in love. I started to cast my anxieties on to the Lord by lifting it up in prayer. Matthew 6:33 says: "But seek his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you...". After anxious prayer, I started to read about the kingdom and the righteousness, then gave thanks for it. I was extremely blessed. I started to experience real love. Real love is looking after the needs of others and seeing myself in the other person. Wow, the Lord completely changed me forever. I have now stopped having imaginary schizophrenia and it never came back to me. --M. PRAYER POINTS ***Let us thank God that He has saved us through grace, and not through our own works, so that no one can boast in their own goodness, but only in Christ. ***Let us pray to God to help us look for the good in our Christian brothers and sisters, and to pray for God to bless them. ***Let us pray for humility in our personal lives, and for love above all to permeate every part of our being. ***Keep those suffering in the USA in your prayers, especially the many who are experiencing anxiety following the attacks. ***Pray for the people of Afghanistan and Pakistan, who are at the centre of the world's attention. Pray that justice will be done, but also that mercy will be extended to the innocent who are suffering from drought and persecution. ***Pray for the people of the Middle East and Northern Ireland, where terrorism is a constant. ***Pray for all governments that they may act out of righteousness, not vengeance. ***Pray for those who are recovering from ill health and surgery: Hoyat G, Noel O, Jan M, and also those known to us who have been struck by the tragedy of terrorism, Barry B, Barbara, Tony S. HAHAHA CORNER ***Laraine has sent us some... Wisdom From Senior Citizens I started with nothing. I still have most of it. When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran? I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded. All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair. If all is not lost, where is it? It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. The first rule of holes: if you are in one, stop digging. I tried to get a life once, but they told me they were out of stock. I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through. It was so different before everything changed. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. I wish the buck stopped here! I could use a few. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a trip around the sun. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom. Never knock on death's door; ring the bell and run. (he hates that.) When you are finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess? If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seatbelt. A closed mouth gathers no feet. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. It's not hard to meet expenses; they're everywhere. Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney. ====================================================== Thanks for those, Laraine. I think the jury must be out! We're not sure if we're feeling enlightened or depressed! LOLOL!!! Until next week! Rocco and Sue. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol 10 No 2 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear NetFamily, All over the world, we are feeling turmoil as we watch the events unfold. Who of us does not have mixed emotions as we see images of women and children fleeing their homes as military targets nearby are flattened? The press is also telling us that there has been an increase in anxiety-related illnesses worldwide! Are we surprised? God isn't! He has his eye on the sparrow. READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God - having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. 2 Timothy 3:1-5; (NIV) In the translation of the Bible I grew up with, the first verse of this passage read "In the last days there will be times of stress". Are we in the last days? Yes, we are. Is there stress? Yes, there is. God knew and forewarned us. Yet, in this passage, there is a clear message not to focus on the evil that is "over there" but on the evil that is at home. Both have their roots in that three letter word: SIN. Sin is more than evil actions. It is an attitude we are all born with. Notice the middle letter of that word: I. Sin is when I am at the centre of my life, not God. And the outward symptoms of that ego-centred life are listed in the passage. Does it sound like our enemy's society? Yes. Does it sound like ours? Yes and yes. Can we change it? Yes. But only by throwing ourselves at the feet of Jesus and asking Him to take the centre of our lives. TESTIMONY Bill Faye, an evangelist who was a guest speaker in a Washington church on Sunday, Sept 9, returned to Denver on Monday, Sept 10. On his American Airline flight he saw a cabin attendant breaking up ice with a wine bottle. Concerned for her safety, he asked her if there wasn't another way she could do this. She was moved that he would be so concerned. He then gave her a gospel tract to read. She told Bill that this was the sixth gospel tract she had received. "What does God want from me?" she asked. Bill said "Just Your life." A few minutes later she accepted Jesus Christ as her personal Lord and Savior. The next day, Flight 11 smashed into the World Trade Center. She was listed among the victims" "...Behold, now is the day of salvation."II Corinthians 6:2. If you would like to know how to give your life to Jesus, please write to us here at help@webpastor.com and we will help you. PRAYER POINTS ***Praise God that He is almighty and that nothing happens without his prior knowledge. ***Praise God that today is the day of salvation. Pray for ourselves, our families, friends and neighbours that all may come to a saving knowledge of Jesus. ***Pray for our brothers and sisters in the Middle East as pro and anti factions swirl aroud them. ***Pray for the population of Afghanistan as it goes through yet another round of warfare. Pray that food and other aid gets to them, particularly as the fierce winter approaches. ***Pray for justice and fairness in our own countries, so that our enemies cannot call us hypocrites. ***Pray for our political leaders that they may lead with righteousness, not out of anger or a spirit of revenge. Pray for Australia as we go to the polls in November. ***Above all, pray for the love of Christ to shine through us, so that "they may see our good works and glorify our Father who is in heaven". ***Pray for Mark D as he goes for a job. Praise God that little Amelia is progressing very well. ***Keep those who are not well in your prayers including Janet M, Noel O,and Wayne S. ***Praise God for the safe delivery of a baby boy to Joe & Gina L. Keep Anna S in your prayers as she moves into the second half of her pregnancy. And likewise Janine C. HAHAHA CORNER ***Hunters A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls emergency. He gasps to the operator, " My friend is dead!! What can I do? " The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, " Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead. " ....There is a silence, then a shot is heard............. The hunter says, "OK, now what?" ---submitted by Paul D. ***Bumper Stickers 1.If you don't like my driving then get off the sidewalk. 2.Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy. 3.We're staying together for the sake of the cats. 4.It's been lovely, but I have to scream now. 5.My karma ran over your dogma. 6.This is not an abandoned vehicle. 7.Welcome to Texas, now go home. 8.It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you. 9.I is a college student. 10.Eschew obfuscation. ---Anon. ***Two molecules are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "I'm positive!" ---Anon. [Ed.: "Ouch!] ***A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw." ---Anon. =========================================================== ROCCO: "Sue, I wouldn't own up to making up that last joke either. I wonder who did write it?" SUE:(screwing up a piece of paper and hiding it behind her back) Errr... NO IDEA .... hey that would be a funny way to describe a blind antelope.... Get it? "No-eyed-deer" hahahahahaha.... ROCCO:(groan) Hmmmm... I think we need to remind our readers to PLEASE send in some GOOD JOKES to jokes@webpastor.com!!!! Until next week, folks! Rocco & Sue. ============================================================ Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol 10 No 3 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear Net Family, Yes, for those of you who missed us last week... we didn't get your Weekly Hits! out on time. Sorry about that. It was an extra busy week! As John Lennon wrote "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans." Now, even if that has little to do with the Hits! being verrrrrry late, at least you have to admit that it does sound deep and meaningful! LOL! READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4: 16-18 (NIV) It seems hard to see the words "God is love" and "judgment" in the one passage. To most humans,love is at odds with the concept of punishment. Surely a God who loves would not punish or judge, would He? Yet, what sort of a God would he be if he dropped his standards for one person, however dear to Him? We would not respect a God who changed his mind, who could be bribed or cajoled or shamed into letting one of his creations off the hook, scot-free. And there is the crunch: no human can live up to God's standards. That is why He sent Jesus, the Perfect One, to suffer and die in our place, to pay for the sins of the world, all those who ever lived, past present and future, even the sins of those who spat in his face, and who spit in his face today. His death was sufficient to pay for them all, even if they reject him and so bring themselves inevitably to the throne of Judgment. Yet for those who have fallen at His feet and asked forgiveness, who rely totally on the saving death of Christ, there is no fear of that Day. We have already passed from death to life and no one can take that from us. And if there is no fear of the Day of Judgment, then there is no fear for today, because we are in the centre of His will, and that is the safest place in the universe to be. INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT If you put a buzzard in a pen six or eight feet square and entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of his ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of ten or twelve feet. Without space to run, as is his habit, he will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top. The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkable nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash. A Bumblebee if dropped into an open tumbler will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself. In many ways, there are lots of people like the buzzard, the bat and the bee. They are struggling about with all their problems and frustrations, not realizing that the answer is right there "above" them. -- Author Unknown PRAYER POINTS ***Thank God for His unswerving justice, that he cannot be bribed and that his standards do not change. ***Praise God for the sacrifice of His Son Jesus, which was sufficient to pay the penalty for the sins of the world. ***Praise God that He is a God of justice and the horrors that we see will not go unpunished. ***Keep the peoples of the world in your prayers as the war on terrorism continues. Pray that a spirit of fear will not take over our nations. ***Pray for the people of Afghanistan as winter approaches, that the political struggle may end and that people may go home. Pray also that food and medical supplies may get through. ***Pray for Pakistan that its government may maintain order. ***Pray for the Middle East that it will remain calm. Pray also for Northern Ireland as positive steps are made to maintain the peace talks. ***Keep Mark and Lyn D in your prayers as Mark continues to look for work. Praise God that Amelia is going well and that Astrid is settling in. ***Praise God for the safe delivery of a baby boy to Joe and Gina L. Keep Anna S in your prayers as she gets closer to her due date. ***Praise God for the first service of the Mustard Seed Community, an interdenominational outreach to those with mental health difficulties in Western Sydney. Keep Netbrother Barry B in your prayers. ***Keep those in Prison Ministries in your prayers too, including Marg and Bob B & Roy O. ***Keep the family of Angela D in your prayers as they mourn the passing of their grandfather, Ted. Praise God for Ted's faith and thank Him for the assurance that Ted is now in the hands of Jesus. HAHAHA CORNER Subject: Out of the Mouths of Babes POLICE While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, a policeman was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at his uniform, she asked, "Are you a policeman?" "Yes," he answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," he told her. "Well,then," she said as she extended her foot toward him, "would you please tie my shoe?" HOUNDED BY THE LAW It was the end of the day when the police van parked in front of the station. As the policeman gathered his equipment, his K-9 partner was barking and he saw a little boy staring in. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," the policeman replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at him and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?" ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!" SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write -and they won't let me talk!" -Anon. ======================================================================== Ah, children! They have that gift of the turn of phrase that can make you laugh at the most serious of times! That's it, until next week. Rocco and Sue. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol.11 No.1 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear Net Family, The western world is nervous. The eastern world holds its breath. What do we, as followers of Christ, do in this new Cold War? READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately. "Tell us," they said, "when will this happen, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?" Jesus answered: "Watch out that no one deceives you. For many will come in my name, claiming, `I am the Christ,' and will deceive many. You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains. Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come. Matthew 24:4-14 (NIV) In this passage, Jesus tells us of the many troubles that will be endured by His followers, and indeed by the whole world, before the end comes. He likens these signs (wars, famines, earthquakes) to the first stages of labour. Definite, but still a while to go. Indeed, these are not the things to focus on. The crux of this passage is in verse 14, "And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to ALL nations, and then the end will come." Our focus, therefore should not be on the fine details of discovering which nation is referred to in prophecy, or what the lines on a credit card represent, or even on our fears of biological warfare, but on spreading the Gospel. It is only when that is done to all nations (that means all people groups, not the arbitary lines drawn on a map) will Jesus return. If, when you pray, you say, "Come, Lord Jesus!", then hasten His return by telling all you meet the good news of his death and resurrection. TESTIMONY A Five Finger Prayer When you need help with your math, you often count on your fingers. You can also count on your fingers to organize your prayers. Just look at your own hand. Your thumb is nearest to you. So begin your prayers by praying for those closest to you. They are the easiest to remember. To pray for our loved ones is, as C.S. Lewis once said, a "sweet duty". The next finger is the pointing finger. Pray for those who teach, instruct and heal. This includes teachers, doctors, and ministers. They need support and wisdom in pointing others in the right direction. Keep them in your prayers. The next finger is the tallest finger. It reminds us of our leaders. Pray for presidents and prime ministers, leaders in business and industry, and administrators. These people shape our nation and guide public opinion. They need GOD's guidance. The fourth finger is our ring finger. Surprising to many is fact that this is our weakest finger; as any piano teacher will testify. It should remind us to pray for those who are weak, in trouble or in pain. They need your prayers day and night. You cannot pray too much for them. And lastly comes our little finger; the smallest finger of all. Which is where we should place ourselves in relation to GOD and others. As the Bible says, "The least shall be the greatest among you." Your pinkie should remind you to pray for yourself. By the time you have prayed for the other four groups, your own needs will be put into proper perspective and you will be able to pray for yourself more effectively. --submitted by Katsmeow PRAYER POINTS ***Thank God for His promises, which never fail. ***Thank God for the gift of His Son, Jesus, our Saviour and Lord. ***Pray for our leaders, who are making difficult decisions, and for our economies that they might hold up under the stresses of these times. ***Pray for those who are frightened at the moment, that they will accept the perfect love that casts out all fear. ***Pray for the hungry, that they may be fed, for the homeless, that they will be given shelter. ***Pray for the sick, especially those in our NetFamily: Noel O, who has needed blood transfusions,little Amelia D with a stomach ailment, Livia S with throat infections, Wayne S with continuing back problems, Rose T with another bout of pleurisy. HAHAHA CORNER ***The Baltimore Police Dept, famous for its superior K-9 Unit, was somewhat taken aback by this recent incident. Returning home from work, a lady was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on all channels and a K-9 Unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. The K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a tight leash. The woman ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps, put her face in her hands and moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? The send me a blind policeman!" ---submitted by Pat C ***When Satan is knocking at your door, simply say, "Jesus,could you please get that for me?" ***LIFE'S LESSONS #2 Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it enables you to look for it in more places. Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors. Be careful what rut you choose. You may be in it the rest of your life. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket. When you see the handwriting on the wall, you can bet you're in a public restroom. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. The real reason you can't take it with you is that it goes before you do. Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were. A closed mouth gathers no feet. A man (or woman) who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on. A modern pioneer is a woman who can get through a rainy Saturday with three children and a television on the blink. The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them. Money isn't everything.... there's credit cards, money orders, and travelers checks. ============================================================= Sue: Hey, Rocco! I won a karaoke contest once... but I didn't win any money. I won a toy rabbit. Rocco: I suppose it was a case of, "The best things in life are free... but you can leave them to the birds and bees... she won a bunny....that's what she won...." Sue: Oh no, he's singing again... he'll set the dogs off... LOLOL!!! Bye-Bye! Rocco & Sue. ============================================================= Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol. 11 No.3 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear Net Family, Life has been very hectic lately, hence the absence of a Hits! last week - in case you were wondering! We have just announced our latest news to our congregation, so now we are able to share with you all that our family will be packing up after eight years' ministry at CoGS at the end of January. We will be heading off to Melbourne for six months further training and preparation. Then it's back to Sydney for the second half of the year for deputation, and God willing, off to Indonesia with the Church Missionary Society (CMS) in early 2003. Please remember us all in your prayers, as we undertake this new step in faith. We'll certainly be keeping you posted. As far as the "Weekly Hits!" is concerned, we're pleased to say it'll be "business as usual" - so please keep sending in your jokes etc! READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD After Ehud came Shamgar son of Anath, who struck down six hundred Philistines with an oxgoad. He, too, saved Israel. Judges 3:31 (NIV) This is the only mention we get of Shamgar in the whole Bible, and usually he gets forgotten in the scheme of things. Yet this verse is there for a reason. While the previous Judge (Leader) of Israel, Ehud, and the following Judge, Deborah, were both Israelites, Shamgar almost certainly was not. His name Shamgar Ben Anath strongly suggests a pagan background (Anath was a pagan war goddess), so why did Shamgar come to Israel's defence and save them from the Philistines? We are not told why, but it would seem that Shamgar had come to a knowledge of the true God. Like Rahab before him and Ruth after him, he had told his Israelite neighbours "your God will be my God", and armed with this faith and an oxgoad, he took on those who sought to destroy God's people. Most of us reading this will have access to Bibles, churches, and good teaching. We claim with pride to come from Christian nations, and many of us sit back and rest on those blessings. May we not be shamed on the Day of Judgement by those from pagan backgrounds who gave up everything they had grown up with to serve God with a passion. TESTIMONY "LESSON FROM A CHILD" One rainy afternoon I was driving along one of the main streets of town,taking those extra precautions necessary when the roads are wet and slick. Suddenly, my son Matthew spoke up from his relaxed position in the front seat. "Mom, I'm thinking of something." This announcement usually meant he had been pondering some fact for a while and was now ready to expound all that his seven- year-old mind had discovered. I was eager to hear. "What are you thinking?" I asked. "The rain," he began, "is like sin and the windshield wipers are like God, wiping our sins away." After the chill bumps raced up my arms I was able to respond. "That's really good, Matthew." Then my curiosity broke in. How far would this little boy take this revelation? So I asked... "Do you notice how the rain keeps on coming? What does that tell you?" Matthew didn't hesitate one moment with his answer: "We keep on sinning, and God just keeps on forgiving us." I will always remember this whenever I turn my wipers on. Isn't it comforting to know that God does keep forgiving us? That all we have to do is ask Him to come into our lives and He will keep washing our sins away. Hallelujah! Amen!!! -Anon. & submitted by Gregson C Meston. PRAYER POINTS ***Thank God that He calls all people to himself from all nations, cultures and backgrounds and teaches them the truth. ***Praise God for the death of Jesus which made it possible for all of us to approach Him. ***Praise God for Jesus' rising from the dead, which proves His power over all things. ***Pray for peace in Afghanistan, that a more just civil government may be formed and that civil war will cease. ***Pray for the refugees of this world and for those who have been physically and mentally scarred by war and terrorism, that they might find healing in Jesus. ***Pray for the Scarcellas at this time, and for the Church of the Good Shepherd, as God's will is sought for future directions and leadership. ***Keep praying for the Mark and Lynne D as Mark looks for employment. Also for Tony S. *** Remember those who are still not well, Wayne S with his back, Noel O with spinal problems and possible sleep apnoea, Rose T with asthma and continued lung infections. HAHAHA CORNER ***ONELINERS *The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. *I got this motorhome for my wife...Best deal I ever made! *Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. *I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead. *Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. *I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. *If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me. *What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull. ---submitted by LARAINE ***CHICAGO - The war on terrorism took a sad turn Friday as airline officials at O'Hare International Airport refused to let a 73-year -old grandmother board her plane as she had in her possession two, six-inch knitting needles. Apparently authorities were worried that she might knit an Afghan. ---submitted by Pat C ***According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from a camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible." -Anon. ***Useless Inventions *Non stick Cellotape *Solar Powered Flash Light *A black highlighter pen *Glow in the dark sunglasses *Inflatable Anchor *Smooth Sandpaper *Waterproof sponge *AC adapter for Solar powered calculators *Fireproof Matches *Battery powered Battery Charger *Seatbelts for Motorbikes *Hand powered Chainsaw *Inflatable Dartboard *Silent Alarm Clock *A Pedal powered wheelchair *Double sided playing cards *Ejector seats for Helicopters -Anon. ================================================ Ouch! That last one hurts! Until next week! Rocco and Sue. ================================================ Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol 11 No 3 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear NetFamily, The weather here has recently become very tropical: at first unseasonbly cold and stormy, strong cyclonic winds and now steamy heat! All we lack, here in Bossley Park, is a sea breeze. [Sigh!!!] READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD Therefore everyone who hears these worlds of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash. Matthew 7:24-27 (NIV) Many times in the Old New Testaments, God is referred to as "the rock", so Jesus' listeners would have immediately understood the parable to refer to God. Yet Jesus refers to himself and His words. This is a clear indication of His claim to be God. The parable says that we are to build on Jesus and His teachings. If we are to have a sound "house", we must have sound foundations. On what is your "house" (life, family) built? On foundations that will collapse at the first sign of trouble? Or on eternal foundations? As Joshua said, "As for me and my house, we will served the Lord." TESTIMONY My Dad was a pastor and I didn't believe in God at all. I thought that what we were doing in church was just silly and dumb. However, at the age of sixteen we had a service where the presence of God was so intense that I gave my life to Jesus Christ. I just want to say no matter how much we deny God He doesn't deny us and there will come that very special day that God has chosen for each one of us where we realize we need to get a hold of this wonderful awesome God. I am so glad He remembered me even when I forgot about him." -Adel. PRAYER POINTS ***Praise God for his rock-like nature,dependable trustworthy, strong. ***Praise God for His Son Jesus, who died for us and rose to show His power. ***Thank God for the changes He can bring about in the lives of humans by the power of His Spirit. ***Keep praying for world peace; for the rebuilding of Afghanistan and for justice to be seen in that sad land. ***Pray for a renewed commitment from God's people to work for His Kingdom's spread throughout the nations through love. ***Keep praying for those with health issues: Rose T (asthma), Wayne S (back), Noel O (sleep deprivation/heart), Jan M (general health), Hoyat G (heart) and others known to us. ***Keep Anna S in your prayers as she finishes her pregnancy (due January). ***Keep CoGS in your prayers as the future is put before God. ***We (Rocco, Sue & family) also value your prayers as we embark on a new phase of ministry in the new year. HAHAHA CORNER ***An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for. The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and complained, "I was going to park there!" The man was a real smart aleck. "That's what you can do when you're young and FAST!" he quipped. Well, this really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car and backed it up. Then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes. The young man ran back to his car and asked, "What did you do that for???" The little old lady smiled and told him, "That's what you can do when you're old and RICH!" -Anon. ***Little Johnny's mother was trying hard to get the sauce to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked four-year old Johnny to answer the phone. Little Johnny ran out into the living room and answered the phone. "Mommy, It's the minister," he said to his mother. From the kitchen Johnny's mom said, "Tell him I'll call him back." Little Johnny spoke into the phone saying, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle." -Anon. *** The Obit Brad and Mike are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other. Much of their relationship is based on pragmatism rather than real friendship or personal affection. One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Mike opens the morning paper and turns to the obituaries page. He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary in the column. Angrily, he calls Brad up. "Brad, are you up yet?" asks Mike. Brad sleepily answers, "Yeah, but I'm only now starting my coffee." "Brad, open the newspaper to page 31." "Why? What's that story on?" "Brad, read the story on the bottom of the column already!" "OK, OK, I'll start reading the column if you stop yelling in my ear!" The paper rustles for a few seconds, then a long silent pause ensues. Finally, Brad comes on the line quietly and fearfully asks, "So Mike, where are you calling me from right now?" -Anon. ========================================================== That's it! Until next week! Rocco and Sue. ========================================================== Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! Vol 12 No 1 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear NetFamily, Some people have again enquired as to what happens to the WEEKLY HITS! when we move to our new ministry. The answer is simple: The WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! will continue as usual! So keep those literary contributions coming in! (The jokes too! LOL) READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD "This is the disciple who testifies to these things and who wrote them down. We know that his testimony is true. Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written." John 21:24-25 (NIV) The world has largely rejected truth as the parameter by which information is measured. The logo of modern western society, seen through the filter of eastern mysticism, is "If it works for you, that is ok." In other words, truth is seen as a relative quality. The Bible, and the men who, through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, wrote down its words, are uncompromising. Truth is not a subjective quality. It is definable and it is absolute... its name is Jesus. You can claim anything about anyone, but Jesus is the obstacle to all disputes. He existed historically, his existence, miracles, death and the belief in his resurrection are all documented both by the Bible and contemporary secular writers. And the Bible stands up and has stood up to all attacks on its accuracy. Why? Because its authors were there, on the spot, hearing the words and watching the acts. And although thousands of books could have been written, and indeed have been written on the subject of Jesus, they do not have the authority of the first-hand accounts that record the Truth. TESTIMONY "I went to church when I was a small boy, but as I got older, church no longer appealed to me. I got into drugs, and stealing, just for kicks. At the age of eighteen, I got married and had a little girl. I was abusive to my wife, and my child would'nt have anything to do with me. I could not leave the drugs alone. I cheated on my wife, several times. After ten years of marriage we got divorced. I lost every thing I had worked for. Somehow God found me and showed me the sins in my life. Six years ago, I got saved by the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Thank you God) I now go to church, and read the Bible every night. Jesus has changed my life for ever." -Stan. PRAYER POINTS ***Thank God for Truth found in the person of Jesus Christ. Thank Him that we can trust Him, and do not need ever to doubt. ***Thank God for His Holy Word, the Bible, through which He speaks to us. Thank God for faithful men and women who are committed to the task of translating it and taking it to the ends of the earth, so that all can hear God speak in their own language. ***Keep praying for peace in the world and freedom from terrorism. ***Pray for the people of Afghanistan, that they will be enabled to get through the winter in safety, and that the country may be restored to prosperity. ***Pray also for other troubled countries, that their governments may work for the good of all their peoples and not for just a select part of the population. ***Pray for those who are ill: Rose T with continued lung infections, Noel O's heart and back, Hoyat G's general health, Wayne S's back problems and for any others we know about in our NetFamily. Pray that God may restore them to health, but in all things that all of us may continue to strive for God's Kingdom, no matter what our physical condition. HAHAHA CORNER ***Three respected citizens were arrested for gambling. "How do you plead?" asked the judge. "Guilty or Not Guilty." The first man stood up& silently prayed. "Please God. Just once, a little white lie". He pleaded 'Not Guilty' & the judge let him go. The second man also asked the Lord to forgive him this little white lie & pleaded 'Not Guilty'. The judge let him go as well. Then the judge turned to the third guy "How do you plead to the gambling charges?" he asked. The third guy looked at the judge with a shrug. He Said, 'Gambling?! Who with?" -submitted by Gregson C Meston Q)What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector ? A)The taxidermist takes only your skin. -Mark Twain. ***A Los Angeles policeman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at it, he was astounded to see that the woman at the wheel was knitting! The cop cranked down his window and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO," the woman yelled back, "IT'S A PAIR OF SOCKS!" -anon. ***Signs of the times:" 1.) You tried to enter your password on the microwave. 2.) You now think of three espressos as "getting started." 3.) You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years. 4.) You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. 5.) You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he e-mails you back "What's for dinner?" 6.) Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site. 7.) You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbour yet this year. 8.) Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail Inbox, asking you to send her JPEG files of your newborn so she can create a screen saver. 9.) You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone IS home. 10.) Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the bottom of the screen. 11.) You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date and now sells for half the price you paid. 12.) The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you. 13.) Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the backseat of your car. 14.) Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses. 15.) You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow. 16.) Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet. 17.) Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored "Post-it" notes. 18.) You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person. 19.) You're reading this. 20.) Even worse... you're going to forward it to someone else. -submitted by Pat Croisant ======================================================== Rocco: "Hey Sue, what are you doing now?"" Sue: "Just emailing that last joke to all my friends..." Rocco:[GROANS!]"Until next week, folks!!!" ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! 2001 Vol 12 No 2 Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear NetFamily, Sorry that the Hits! is a bit irregular these days. We are caught up in all the pre-Christmas activities and yes, we've even started to pack our belongings as well - so please accept our apologies! READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14 A wise person once wrote that it would be easy to live as a Christian if it were not for the people that get in the way. Perhaps that's why some early Christians went to live as desert hermits. I am sure we have all been tempted to do the same sometimes! But if people get your gander up, how can you be so sure that you are not ruffling their feathers as well. It is true that we humans grate upon each other and it is often a battle to keep relationships healthy even within the Christian family. Hence the command: Forgive as the Lord forgave you. God's forgiveness is not contingent on the worthiness of the one being forgiven, but on His worthiness and upon our unworthiness. We are forgiven because of the death of the sinless One, Jesus, not because of any inherent goodness we might possess. Reminding ourselves constantly of that fact puts our petty squabbles with our brothers and sisters into perspective. We, too, need forgiveness, and how can we expect it if we will not give it? Of course, there will be instances when the hurt is too deep to repair overnight, perhaps even in this life-time, but that does not prevent us from forgiving and moving on, even if we must keep the person at a certain distance to prevent further damage. We must not live in the past, reliving those old hurts, but claim the victory that Christ has won and even pray for those who wish us harm, just as Jesus prayed from the Cross. WORD OF INSPIRATION At this time of year, many people are wearing off the tread on their credit cards. Pat C sent us this tongue-in-cheek reminder of who we owe the most to: "There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's Master card." I'm sure you've all received their applications in the mail. However, I'm here to advertise a different card. You see, my life is a product for others to see. I'm a card-carrying representative for The Master's Card. That's right, The MASTER'S CARD. Let me tell you about it. There are no finance charges, no payments due. My bill has already been covered... it's a prepaid deal. I couldn't afford the price, so Jesus stepped in and paid it for me. My Name is written on the card for all to see. It is accessible twenty-four hours a day from anywhere in the world. The MASTER'S CARD has so many benefits it's hard to list them all. Let me share some of them with you... you might want to apply for a personal card yourself. Just for starters there is UNLIMITED GRACE. That's right, there is no preset limit to the amount of grace you receive from The MASTER'S CARD. Have you been looking for love in all the wrong places? Then, look no farther than The MASTER'S CARD. It offers the greatest rate on love that has ever been offered. The MASTER'S CARD gives you access to many "members only" benefits. Want real joy despite the difficulties of life? Apply for The MASTER'S CARD. Want a lasting peace? Apply for The MASTER'S CARD. Looking for something you can always rely on in a jam? The MASTER'S CARD is perfect for you. Another great thing about The MASTER'S CARD is that it never expires and will never be cancelled. Once you're a member, you're a member for life... eternal life, that is. Membership has its privileges, you know. So why not apply today? It's only a prayer away..... PRAYER POINTS ***Thank God that membership in His family is only a prayer away: pray for three people you know that you might have the opportunity to share Him with them. ***Thank God for His sinless Son, who took the brunt of our sins and paid the penalty we deserved. Remember this especially at this time, that He left heaven for us, for you. ***Praise God that He is a God of mercy and forgives those who turn to Him, no matter how bad the sins. ***Pray for those who are alone this Christmas, especially those known to us. Pray also for the sick, the orphans and the widows. Remember those who are in prison. ***Keep the people of Afghanistan in your prayers. Thank God that the railway is now in operation and that supplies are beginning to make their way across the borders. ***Pray also for the Middle East, which is at flashpoint again. Pray for justice and even handedness, and above all forgiveness. ***Pray for those who are not well, for Rose T, still recovering from lung problems, for Wayne S and his back, for Noel O's heart and for others known to us. ***Pray for those seeking work, such as Mark D. ***Pray for those whose marriages are in trouble. ***Keep the Scarcella's in your prayers as they prepare to move. There are EIGHT years worth of accumulated stuff to sort through! HAHAHA CORNER ***I heard the funny story about a scientist who decided to decided to clone himself, because he was really busy. They have the technology nowadays. So he took one of his cells from his body and put it in a test tube and cloned himself. He made a replica of himself, his clone. The only problem was, this clone was mean and disgusting, and he was obscene, terrible. He just used foul language. He was an obscene person. Finally, the scientist said,“I’ve got to get rid of this guy, he’s causing me more trouble.” So he got the clone and took him to a mountain and pushed his clone off the mountain. They arrested that scientist. They charged him with ...[wiat for it!!!]"making an obscene clone fall". -Anon. ***Rejected Greeting Card Messages: "Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder....what was I thinking?" "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your choice of partner!" "I've always wanted to have someone to love: after meeting you, I've changed my mind!" "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am- that you're not here to ruin it for me." "You look great for your age! Almost lifelike!" "I'm so miserable without you: It's almost like you were here." -Anon.[And no!.. it wasn't submitted by ME!] And now for something completely different.... NAME THAT CHRISTMAS TUNE...CAN YOU DO IT?! (Answers found below - don't peek now!) 1. Bleached Yule 2. Castaneous-colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration 3. Singular Yearning for the Twin Anterior Incisors 4. Righteous Darkness 5. Arrival Time: 2400 hrs. - Weather: Cloudless 6. Loyal Followers Advance 7. Far Off in a Feeder 8. Array the Corridor 9. Bantam Male Percussionist 10. Monarchial Triad 11. Nocturnal Noiselessness 12. Jehovah Deactivate Blithe Chevaliers 13. Red Man En Route to Borough 14. Frozen Precipitation Commence 15. Proceed and Enlighten on the Pinnacle 16. The Quadruped with the Vermilion Proboscis 17. Query Regarding Identity of Descendant 18. Delight for this Planet 19. Give Attention to the Melodious Celestial Beings 20. The Dozen Festive 24-Hour Intervals ANSWERS: 1. White Christmas 2. Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire 3. All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth 4. O Holy Night 5. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear 6. O Come, All Ye Faithful 7. Away in a Manger 8. Deck the Hall 9. Little Drummer Boy 10. We Three Kings 11. Silent Night 12. God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen 13. Santa Claus Is Coming to Town 14. Let It Snow 15. Go, Tell It on the Mountain 16. Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer 17. What Child Is This? 18. Joy to the World 19. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing 20. The Twelve Days of Christmas --Author unknown. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ That's it for another week! Rocco and Sue. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subject: [Hits] Webpastor Weekly HITS! 2001 Christmas Edition Sender: Hits-admin@webpastor.com Errors-To: Hits-admin@webpastor.com X-BeenThere: Hits@webpastor.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.1 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Dear Netfamily, The Scarcella family would like to thank you for your friendship and support throughout this year. We really enjoy getting to know you as individuals through the emails we receive! In this edition, we focus on the purpose of Christmas. READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin's name was Mary.The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you." Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus.He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end.""How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?" The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God." "I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." Then the angel left her. Luke 1:26-38 (NIV) One of the things that humans hate most is uncertainty. How we would love to know what is coming so that we could control the future, or somehow cope better with change, even change events so as to avoid the pain they would cause. When we look at the figure of Mary, it is easy to forget that this was a teenage girl, probably orphaned,working as a servant in someone's house and concerned about her future marriage. As if she did not have enough to fill her young heart, God sent an angel to bring her news that would upset the applecart well and truly. In a society that was not in the least tolerant, Mary was to become an unmarried mother, with only her word to say that the child was God's chosen one, not the product of an illicit relationship. Yet Mary did not hesitate to grasp hold of the gift that God was offering her. For Mary knew one thing: the safest place to be is in the centre of God's will. So she made her pledge: "May it be to me as you have said." And so Jesus was born and salvation won through his death and resurrection. "Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to men on whom his favour rests." INSPIRATIONAL STORY WORLD MAP A father wanted to read the paper, but was being pestered by his little daughter, Vanessa. Finally, he tore a sheet out of a magazine, on which was printed the map of the world. Tearing it into small pieces, he gave it to Vanessa, and said, "Go into the other room and see if you can put this together." After a few minutes, Vanessa returned and handed him the map correctly fitted together. The father was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly. "Oh," she said, "on the other side of the paper is a picture of Jesus. When I got Jesus in His place, then the world came out all right." PRAYER POINTS ***Praise God for this time of year, that reminds us of His great love. ***Praise Him for the birth of His Son, and for Jesus' death and resurrection that paid for the sins of the whole world. ***Thank Him for the certain hope He offers that He will never leave His people. ***Keep praying for the world's trouble spots, Afghanistan, Indonesia, the Middle East, and Africa. ***Thank God for answered prayers: Mark D has found part-time work. Little Amelia is progressing fabulously and big sister Astrid has accepted Jesus as her Saviour. Pray for Lynn's dad, who is not well at all. ***Keep praying for those of our "family" with health problems: for Rose T, Wayne S and Noel O. Also for Rose T's brother-in-law's dad, who is dying of cancer and not expected live into the new year. ***Above all, keep praying for the spread of God's kingdom throughout the world, and that we might be forever reminded that the world is looking to us as representatives of Jesus. May we live in that light. ***Please keep us [Rocco, Sue & family] in your prayers as we prepare for new ministry in 2002. HAHAHA CORNER ***What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake? Tarzipan ! ***Did you hear about the stupid turkey? It was looking forward to Christmas! ***How does Santa make his Christmas pudding? With elf-raising flour, of course. ***Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a Christmas bell! Just take these pills - and, if they don't work, give me a ring! ***What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas ? Thanks, I'll never part with it ! ***What do you give a train driver for Christmas ? Platform shoes ! ***Man: My wife wanted something with diamonds but I only have a few dollars. Assistant: So, buy her a pack of cards. ***Man: I'd like a magician's set for my son. Assistant: Is he a beginner? Man: No! He's been practising the sawing- people-in-half trick for years. Assistant: Is he an only child? Man: No, No! He has a lot of half-brothers and sisters. ***What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ? This one will sleigh you! ***Why don't Prancer and Dancer and the other reindeer overtake Rudolph? Because they don't believe in passing the buck! ***Fred: "What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas' sleigh and is made of cement?" Mike: "I don't know." Fred: "A reindeer! Mike: "What about the cement?" Fred: "I just threw that in to make it hard." =================================================== For those who are local, our Christmas Carols Night, known affectionately as "Not So Silent Night V", takes place on Sunday 23rd December at 8pm. It will be held on the front lawn of the church. For those who are not local, your flight departs in just under 2 hours! LOLOL!!! May you have a blessed Christmas and a victorious New Year. Rocco and Sue. <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <><