From: R & S Scarcella & Family [inbox@webpastor.com] Sent: Thursday, 8 February 2001 3:42 PM To: hitsters@webpastor.com Subject: WEBPASTOR Weekly Hits! 2001 Vol.2. No.2 =================================================== YOUR WEBPASTOR WEEKLY HITS! - FREE NETMAGAZINE =================================================== distributed by Rev. Rocco & Mrs. Susan Scarcella from Church of the Good Shepherd Bossley Park NSW Australia WEBSITE: www.webpastor.com ITEMS, JOKES ETC TO: hits@webpastor.com SUBSCRIBE: subscribe@webpastor.com UNSUBSCRIBE: unsubscribe@webpastor.com (Please write "no hits" in the subject frame) HITS! ARCHIVES: Go to... http://www.webpastor.com/hits/index.htm WHAT IS CHRISTIANITY?: Go to... http://www.christianity.net.au HELP BLIMBINGSARI ORPHANAGE?: Go to... http://www.webpastor.com/miss&supp.htm LIKE YOUR OWN FREE EMAIL ADDRESS & MORE? Go to... http://www.webpastor.com/free-mail.htm *************************************************** Dear Netsters, Is it just me or is the weather going crazy? We have had more rain. The grass is so high that I think I heard drums out there. LOL! READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD Praise be to the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me. Psalm 144:1-2 (NIV) We in our times do not like the thought of a God of war. We have grown up in the slipstream of the "peace movement" of the 60's and 70's, and frankly, we would much rather "make love" than "make war". Yet, which of us, when we are threatened physically, morally or spiritually does not call on God to take our side? Be assured: God is interested in peace too, but His peace is not like the world's definition. It is the assurance that no matter what happens, that nothing can separate us from the love of God, in Christ Jesus. TESTIMONY "I want to share this testimony to the glory of God and the shame of the devil. The Bible says that what so ever the enemy had intended for evil in our lives God will turn it around for our good. Last year the devil attacked me with sickness but to the glory of God I have been healed. Secondly, the devil tried to hinder our marital plans but Jesus gave me the victory. There is nothing God can not do. He has redeemed me, restored me, removed my transgressions from me and now "He has put a new song in my mouth a song of praise unto our God. Many will see and put their trust in the Lord of hosts." Psalms 40:3. To you who have been believing God for a miracle keep on holding on to Jesus. Your joy has come. PRAISE THE LORD." --Emediong, from Nigeria. PRAYER POINTS ***Thank the Lord that nothing can separate His people from the love of God, shown in Christ Jesus. ***Thank Him that His love is not dependent on the ups and downs of life. ***Praise Him that He takes His people's part in the battle. ***Pray for the spread of the gospel and God's wonderful message of rescue. ***Keep unity in your prayers. ***Don't forget to pray for Roger, that his cancer continues to heal. *** Little Amelia D continues to thrive. Pray for the family. *** Pray for the people of India that they begin to recover from the horrors of the earthquake. ***Pray for the situation in the Middle East, now that Israel has a new leader. HAHAHA CORNER ***At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret." "I don't know about that," huffily answered a woman guest. " I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one." "You'll let it out some day," the man insisted. "I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever." ---submitted by Big Momma ***WORD FROM THE WHYS Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery!"? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is a boxing ring square? Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips after you use it? Why is what doctors do called "practice"? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand? How come you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead? Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? You know how most packages say "Open here"... What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"? Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together? Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is? Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is? Why is it that the guy who comes up behind you while you're waiting for an elevator presses the already lit "up" button -- as though he somehow has magical powers that you didn't when you pressed it the first time? Does the reverse side also have a reverse side? Why is the alphabet in that order? What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way? Do fish get cramps after eating? Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"? ---Anon. ***Pat C wonders how these people survive in the big world: I went to McDonald's. I looked at the menu and saw that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.I asked for a half-dozen nuggets. "We don't have a half-dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets. I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk." Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said,"I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told him. With that,the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies. I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister". I asked the manager what had happened. He toldme that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich. Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar. I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed. Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed. I was working at a hardware store when a mechanic from the local car lot came in for some glass. I cut a piece 6 x 8 like he requested and put it on the counter. He said "No this is wrong! It is 6 inches wide and 8 inches long, not 6 inches long and 8 inches wide!" So I took the glass back to the back, read a paper and brought it back out and placed it on the counter the other way and he said, "Now, that's better". =========================================================== Sue: "Rocco, I don't feel so bad now I have read that last one!" Rocco: "O bliss! Oh joy! She understood it!" Until next week! Rocco and Sue. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++