From: R & S Scarcella & Family [inbox@webpastor.com] Sent: Thursday, 10 August 2000 11:44 AM To: Susan Scarcella Subject: CoGS Weekly Hits! 2000 Vol 8 No. 2 =================================================== YOUR CoGS WEEKLY HITS! - FREE NETMAGAZINE =================================================== distributed by Rev. Rocco & Mrs. Susan Scarcella from Church of the Good Shepherd Bossley Park NSW Australia WEBSITE: www.webpastor.com ITEMS, JOKES ETC TO: hits@webpastor.com SUBSCRIBE: subscribe@webpastor.com UNSUBSCRIBE: unsubscribe@webpastor.com (Please write "no hits" in the subject frame) WHAT IS CHRISTIANITY?: Go to... http://www.christianity.net.au HELP BLIMBINGSARI ORPHANAGE?: Go to... http://www.webpastor.com/miss&supp.htm *************************************************** Dear Netsters, Our grape vines are starting to shoot, so it must be getting close to spring. There seems to be a little less of a chill in the air somedays, but then, the season turns and gives us another blast of Antarctic air! Hope the weather is nice where you are! READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her." A friend and I stopped to visit some people one day. A relative who lived nearby, came out to tell us they were not home. We started to talk and, to my surprise, the lady ran down her relative's house keeping skills, and then asked if all Christians were neglectful of their homes. She began to boast about her spotless house, until my friend leant across and said, "We have been out singing to the elderly. When they look back on today, they won't remember whether my house was clean or not." She was right. What are our priorities in life? Do we so concentrate on having the best house, the most successful career, the highest-achieving children, that we neglect the Lord? Jesus is not saying to Martha that it is all right to sit around doing nothing...he is saying that Mary has her priorities right. Jesus will only be here for a short time, Martha. Enjoy his teaching, learn from him while he is there. After all, the food will be consumed, the house will need to be swept again. In fact, one day the house will be gone. Jesus said, "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away." TESTIMONY "Raised in a non-religious family, for me to believe in some guy being born of a virgin, living a sinless life and then dying on a cross was as believable as a bunny rabbit that lays chocolate eggs. Catholics, Charismatics, Baptists, and even Salvation Army bell ringers invited me to church. I wanted none of it. My friends were those I could get drunk and stoned with. Then, a friend, who was into Bible prophecy, suggested that all the "stuff" I had been rejecting just might be true. I began reading my Bible, and understood it for the first time. Mark 4:23 says, "If any man has ears to hear, let him hear." I had ears and listened, and believed what Jesus did two thousand Easters ago was for me. Now I depend on Him, not drugs or alcohol to get me through life." -Geoff. PRAYER POINTS ***Thank God that He has not left us in confusion about how our lives should be lived. Thank Him for His clear teaching through the Holy Bible. *** Thank God for the death and resurrection of His Son, the Lord Jesus. Thank Him that, although we rejected Him, He still looked for us. *** Thank God for the safe (a few weeks early!) arrival of Lynn D's baby girl, Amelia Rae. Pray for Mark, Lynn, little Astrid and new baby sister. *** Keep Gina L in your prayers. Not long to go before the birth of her baby too! *** Thank God for the successful Amsterdam Evangelism Conference. Praise God for the faithfulness of his servant, Billy Graham, who was able, by the strength of the Lord, to get to the closing service. Pray for the spread of the Gospel throughout the world, and that revival will take place the planet over as a result of this landmark conference. *** We have our bishop coming to preach this weekend, and in two weeks a guest speaker, Dominic Steele who runs a ministry to professionals in the Media. Pray for these outreaches, that people will hear and be saved. ***We have had a request for prayer from Dr. Jordan Patrick, a Christian Surgeon in Pakistan. He runs a small private hospital in Sahiwal. This hospital brings help and health through medical and surgical techniques and above all low cost service to the less fortunate. He invites people to come and see this project for themselves, but, in the meantime, to keep this hospital's needs in your prayers. HAHAHA CORNER **ANIMAL CROSSINGS Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Chicken And A Pit Bull? A. Just The Pit Bull. Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Chicken With A Dog? A. A Hen That Lays Pooched Eggs. Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Chicken With A Race-Horse? A. A Hen That Lays Odds. Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Parrot With A Homing Pigeon? A. Voice Mail. Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Parrot With A Pig? A. A Bird That Hogs The Whole conversation! Q. What Do You Get When You Cross An Elephant With A Fly? A. A Forget-Me-Gnat. Q. What Do You Get When You Cross An Elephant With A Whale? A. A Submarine With A Built-In Snorkel. . Q. What Do You Get When You Cross Bacteria With An Electric Eel? A. Culture Shock. **SEMI-ANIMAL CROSSINGS Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Bad Comedian With A Hen? A. A Lot Of Bad Yolks! Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Banana With A Red Silk Dress? A. A Pink Slip. Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Big Bell And An Outlaw? A. A Gongster! Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Bird With A Magician? A. A Flying Sorcerer. Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Ghost With A Chicken? A. A Poultry-Geist. Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Highway With A Bicycle? A. Run Over. Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Lawyer And A Librarian? A. All The Information You Need, But You Can't Understand A Word Of It. Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Mad Scientist With Another Mad Scientist? A. A Horrible Par A Dox. Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Mafia Boss With An Economist? A. An Offer You Can't Understand. Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Movie With A Swimming Pool? A. A Dive-In Theater. Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Penguin With A Zero? A. You Get A Flying None. Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Pigeon With An Army General? A. A Military Coo. Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Wolf With A Polyester Jacket A. A Wash-And-Wearwolf. Q. What Do You Get When You Cross An Elephant With A Skin Doctor? A. A Pachydermatologist Q. What Do You Get When You Cross An Elephant With A Volkswagen? A. A Little Car With A Big Trunk. Q. What Do You Get When You Cross An Elephant With Peanut Butter? A. Either Peanut Butter That Never Forgets Or An Elephant That Sticks To The Roof Of Your Mouth. Q. What Do You Get If You Cross A Porcupine And An Alarm Clock? A. A Stickler For Punctuality. Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Jehovah's Witness With An Atheist? A. Someone Who Rings Your Doorbell For Absolutely No Reason At All! Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Zen Buddhist And A Druid? A. Someone Who Worships A Tree That Is Not There. --submitted by Jennie Graham **PROTESTANT DICTIONARY AMEN: The only part of any prayer that everyone knows. AND IN CONCLUSION: A required statement midway through the sermon. BAPTISTERY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. BULLETIN: Parish information, read only during the sermon. CHOIR: 1. A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to pantomime singing. HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range. PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Protestant Churches. PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of the service, consisting of the pastors, the choir, and late parishioners looking for seats. RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song on Sunday AM, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman. UNKNOWN TONGUES: Mother's pantomime instructions to her kids from the choir. USHERS: The only people in the church who don't know the seating capacity of a pew. --submitted by Chris Foley, who always ends his letters with: "Mondays are the potholes in the road of life." ========================================================================= And with that piece of widsom, we take our leave...so long...farewell... auf Wiedersehen...good night.... Rocco and Sue. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++