From: R & S Scarcella & Family [inbox@webpastor.com] Sent: Wednesday, 2 August 2000 10:37 AM To: Susan Scarcella Subject: CoGS Weekly Hits! 2000 Vol.8. No.1 =================================================== YOUR CoGS WEEKLY HITS! - FREE NETMAGAZINE =================================================== distributed by Rev. Rocco & Mrs. Susan Scarcella from Church of the Good Shepherd Bossley Park NSW Australia WEBSITE: www.webpastor.com ITEMS, JOKES ETC TO: hits@webpastor.com SUBSCRIBE: subscribe@webpastor.com UNSUBSCRIBE: unsubscribe@webpastor.com (Please write "no hits" in the subject frame) WHAT IS CHRISTIANITY?: Go to... http://www.christianity.net.au HELP BLIMBINGSARI ORPHANAGE?: Go to... http://www.webpastor.com/miss&supp.htm *************************************************** Dear Netsters, Did you hear? The inventor of the Tim-Tam cookie died recently.(This first bit is true!) His coffin was carried by six Tiny Teddy Bearers, and after the sermon, the plate was passed around ... and when it got to the end it was practically empty. He was buried on his side between two other people, in a sunny grove in Monte Carlo...or was it Kingston? Well, whatever, there was one huge jam at the funeral. And now for the less frivolous part of the Weekly Hits! READING FROM THE WORD OF GOD Now an angel of the Lord said to Philip,"Go south to the road -the desert road-that goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza." So he started out, and on his way he met an Ethiopian eunuch, an important official in charge of all the treasury of Candace, queen of the Ethiopians. This man had gone to Jerusalem to worship, and on his way home was sitting in his chariot reading the book of Isaiah the prophet. The Spirit told Philip, "Go to that chariot and stay near it." Then Philip ran up to the chariot and heard the man reading Isaiah the prophet: "Do you understand what you are reading, "Philip asked. "How can I," he said, "unless someone explains it to me?" So he invited Philip to come up and sit with him. Acts 8:26-31 (NIV) How many people sit inactive because "they are waiting for a sign, for the Lord's leading? And when they do receive leading, they want more information before setting out? Yet the most beautiful examples of faith in the Holy Bible involve people who did not know the whole story when they simply obeyed the command of God to go. Here, Philip is told to go to the desert road. He could have asked: why there? Aren't there many more people I could preach to in Jerusalem, or even in Judea? Yet Philip did not question the command to go. He went. And when the command came to approach AN ETHIOPIAN, he did not say, "Lord, aren't there lots of Jews that need to know the Gospel before this guy?" He just went. And spiritual history was made. A man who had travelled to Jeruselem from North Africa to hear the truth, and yet had not heard it explained at the temple, did on the desert road that leads to Gaza, from a man who had no idea why he was there, until he heard the eunuch reading the Scriptures aloud and recognised a true seeker after God. That Ethiopian took the gospel back to his queen, and she heard and was saved, and the light of the gospel of Jesus has remained alive in that isolated kingdom to this day, despite massive oppression and persecution. Today when we hear God's command to go, what will we do? Could today be the day that we become a part of spiritual history too? TESTIMONY "As a teenager, I thought about life but couldn't figure it out, so I just forgot about it and lived on with an empty, heart. I was spared from drugs and such, but I was still blinded to the truth. Later, I began to search for the missing pieces. I wouldn't let my emptiness show, but inside I was crying out. Last year, I was driving in my car when I felt this tugging feeling in my heart to turn to a Christian radio station in Southern California. The sermon was perfect for me. It broke me down, convicting me of my sin and my need of a Savior. Most of my questions were answered and when I got home I knelt beside my bed and gave my life to Jesus. My world changed that night and I'm empty no longer." Denis. PRAYER POINTS **Thank God that His message to go is clear. Pray that we listen and obey. **Thank God for the death of His Son, and that the message is so clearly taught throughout the Bible. **Praise God for those who have listened to God's word this week. Pray that the Holy Spirit will work in their hearts as he did in the heart of the Ethiopian. **Keep mother-to-be Gina L, who is close to term, in your prayers. Also Lynn D, who still has a few weeks to go. Praise God for the growth of the babies born this year. ** Pray for Donavin, who is suffering from panic attacks. ** Keep praying for those who are suffering from cancer, that God will give them joy even at this difficult time, and that He will grant them victory. **Pray for outreaches coming up in local churches, that God's word will be preached faithfully and that hearts will be changed. THIS WILL MAKE YOU THINK! IMPORTANT RECALL NOTICE! The maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to the serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed, 'Subsequential Internal Non-Morality,' or more commonly known as S-I-N, as it is primarily symptomized by loss of moral judgment. Some other symptoms: (a) Loss of direction (b) Foul vocal emissions (c) Amnesia of origin (d) Lack of peace and joy (e) Selfish, or violent, behavior (f) Depression or confusion in the mental component (g) Fearful (h) Idolatry (i) Incorrect use of maternal components The manufacturer, who is neither liable or at fault for this defect, providing factory authorized repair and service, free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The number to call for the recall station in your area is: P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN by pressing R-E-P-E-N-T-A-N-C-E. Next, download J-E-S-U-S into the heart. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, the JESUS repair will replace it with: (a) Love (b) Joy (c) Peace (d) Longsuffering (e) Gentleness (f) Goodness (g) Faith (h) Meekness (i) Temperance Please see operating manual, HOLY BIBLE, for further details on the use of these fixes. WARNING: Continuing to operate the human unit without correction, voids the manufacturer's warranty, exposing owner to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on J-E-S-U-S. DANGER: The human units not receiving this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. Authorized by: The Creator --submitted by Pat C. HAHAHA CORNER ***Actual headlines from real newspapers: - Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One - Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers - Stiff Opposition Expected to Funeral Plan - Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung - Milk Drinkers Are Turning to Powder - Safety Experts Say Children on School Bus Should Be Belted - Iraqi Head Seeks Arms - Eye Drops Off Shelf - Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim - Two Sisters Reunite after Eighteen Years at Checkout Counter - Man Is Fatally Slain - Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say - Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant - Stolen Painting Found by Tree - Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge - Kids Make Nutritious Snacks - Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half --submitted by Jennie G. ***A guy goes into a bar. He's sitting on the stool, enjoying his drink when he hears, "You look great!" He looks around - there's nobody near him. He hears the voice again, "No really, you look terrific." The guy looks around again. Nobody. He hears, "Is that a new shirt or something? Because you are absolutely glowing!" He then realizes that the voice is coming from a dish of nuts on the bar. "Hey," the guy calls to the bartender, "What's with the nuts?" "Oh," the bartender answers, "They're complimentary." --submitted by Rose T. ***A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said, "Rest in Peace." The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location." --submitted by Paul McB. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Keep those jokes coming in. We enjoy the laughs! If you'd like to see our RealSlideshow highlights of our recent trip to Bali, Indonesia please go to: http://www.webpastor.com/bali2000.htm Bye for now. Rocco and Sue. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++