From: R & S Scarcella & Family [inbox@webpastor.com] Sent: Thursday, 6 April 2000 12:16 AM To: inbox@webpastor.com Subject: CoGS Weekly Hits! 2000 Vol.4 .No.1 YOUR CoGS WEEKLY HITS! - FREE NETMAGAZINE distributed by Rev. Rocco & Mrs. Susan Scarcella from Church of the Good Shepherd Bossley Park NSW Australia WEBSITE: www.webpastor.com ITEMS, JOKES ETC TO: hits@webpastor.com SUBSCRIBE: subscribe@webpastor.com UNSUBSCRIBE: unsubscribe@webpastor.com (Please write "no hits" in the subject frame) WHAT IS CHRISTIANITY?: http://www.christianity.net.au +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Dear Hitsters, There are lots of things going on at the moment in this world, aren't there? Some are exciting, some are worrying. Remember, though, it is still "daylight", so we have a responsibility to keep going in the Lord's strength. MAYBE YOU MISSED THIS LAST WEEK... WE NEED YOUR HELP!!! PLEASE READ THIS CAREFULLY AND SEE IF YOU CAN JOIN IN! **GET PAID TO SURF THE NET & ALSO SUPPORT THE ORPHANAGE!** We've recently become members of AllAdvantage.com, an Internet company that literally pays you to surf the Web. They are paying members in US, UK, Canada, France, Germany, Australia, New Zealand and the US territories, too -- more countries coming soon. AllAdvantage is totally legit. It's also completely FREE and they are very serious about maintaining your privacy: there is no survey to fill out! It takes only minutes to join, download the FREE AllAdvantage.com Viewbar software, and start surfing the Web with the Viewbar on your screen. You can earn even more when you tell your friends about it! (Spamming is not allowed!) So here's how you can help yourself and us! When you sign up, please use our member ID (LCD613) when you are asked if you were referred by someone OR you can just CLICK ON this link to get started: http://www.alladvantage.com/go.asp?refid=LCD613 . By joining and signing up through our member ID number (LCD613) YOU will be paid to surf the web AND also help us to support the Orphanage in Blimbingsari(Indonesia)every time you log on and activate the viewbar! It's that simple! And of course, the more who sign up through our link, the more we will raise to help the kids! Please consider joining us to help these needy kids through AllAdvantage.com today. For more info & pics of the orphanage kids you will be helping, just follow this link to our web site: http://www.webpastor.com/miss&supp.htm . Please don't hesitate to contact us for more details! Thank you so much! Happy surfing and God's blessings! READING FROM GOD'S WORD "Shout it aloud, do not hold back. Raise your voice like a trumpet. Declare to my people their rebellion and to the house of Jacob their sins. For day after day they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a nation that does what is right and has not forsaken the commands of its God." Isaiah 58:1,2 (NIV) What is our role in this world? We seek guidance from God daily and we look for signs of which way we should go, yet the word of God is clear! Our duty in this world is to seek AND obey the ways of God, and to declare these ways to our fellow countrymen. No more. No less. If we focused more on this, our nations would be walking in justice. TESTIMONY Here is an interesting testimony that opens up deep thinking on a subject that is part of western culture, but needs desperately to be subject to God's word: Dating! "It was not until I got into a real Bible study and started helping others that I was able to break the horrid cycle of dating and breaking up. At first, it was simple and easy, just like anyone else. With my second boy friend it was a lot more serious. When we broke up, I was heart broken that someone I loved so much felt nothing for me. So, I picked up the next guy that came along. The third one and I dated for four months, and we focused totally on each other, and even though I was involved with the church he was my heart. When we broke up I was broken and empty, suicidal and anorexic. It was the study of the Bible and helping others that broke the cycle. It changed my heart." --Kelly. PRAYER POINTS **Thank God for His clear guidance that we will keep our ways pure if we follow His Word. **Praise Him for His promises that He will never leave His people. **Pray for preparations for the coming Easter outreaches and many "Fresh Start 2000 Missions" around Sydney. Our church (CoGS) has a week of mission activity planned, from May 20 - 28: Kids' Outreach Service; Guest speakers such as Steve Abbott, Paul Sampson & John Chapman; BBQ Lunch, a music & comedy night, Q&A Coffee & dessert nights and an International Pot-Luck dinner-dance. **Violet F has only four weeks to go and is looking at a caesarean. Pray for her and for the other ladies expecting: Gina L, Trish C and Cathy S. **Pray for Pat C and her husband who are still in the wars healthwise. Bill, Rose T's stepfather, was operated on for 15 hours yesterday. He is not at all well, and the family is very stressed. **Pray for Aida J, still suffering extreme pain from the accident. **Keep Patti in your prayers, for continued health improvment. **Remember Peter J. and the need to put some weight back on after recent surgery. This is happenning! **Vera G. continues to struggle with recurring leg problems. HAHAHA CORNER **Sports Commentator's Quotes "And here's Moses Kiptanui, the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago." (David Coleman) "Its a great advantage to be able to hurdle with both legs" (David Coleman) "We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite." (Murray Walker) After playing Cameroon in the 1990 world cup finals: "We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought." (Bobby Robson) On the difficulties of adjusting to playing football and living in Italy: "It was like being in a foreign country." (Ian Rush) Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence Terry. What chance do you think Germany has of getting through? Terry Venables: "I think it's 50-50." "I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost." (Frank Bruno) "There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes." (David Coleman) "There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people." (David Coleman) "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical." (Murray Walker) "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." (Greg Norman) "There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious." (Alan Minter) "Watch the time. It gives you an indication of how fast they are running." (Ron Pickering) "Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansel. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers." (Murray Walker) "A brain Scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from stress fracture of the shin." (Jo Sheldon) "That's inches away from being millimetre perfect." (Ted Lowe) "I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right." (Marlon Starling) "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." (Terry Venables) "I can't tell who's leading. It's either Oxford or Cambridge." (John Snagge - Boat Race between Oxford and Cambridge) "The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests, is absolutely round." (Tony Crozier) **TECH SUPPORT To whom it may concern: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software; severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as: DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3, to fix Husband 1.0, but this all-purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!!! Signed Jane Dear Jane: This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common and a normal part of Husband 1.0. In desperation to play some of their "old time" favourite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support". You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command: "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8. TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\ I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to defualt to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip! Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend: HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as: FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6. A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled. I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product! --Submitted by Paul Dugas **Why I Wish I Were A Bear I wish I were a bear. If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could get used to that. And another thing; before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. That wouldn't bother me either. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business; you swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too. Your husband expects you to growl when you wake up. He expects you to have hairy legs and excess body fat. He likes it. YES, I wish I were a bear!! --submitted by Rose T ============================================================================ = Thanks for your continuing support and the lovely feedback we get from you regularly. Remember to send in your best jokes, testimonies and any interesting emails you get, so we can all share in this wonderful electronic gift from God. Email us at items@webpastor.com . Rocco and Sue. |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |